Vocaloid High School Host Club
by Morumotto-chi
Summary: Cuz someone had to do it. Luka is a student at a rich kid's school and ends up having to pretend to be a boy to pay off her debt! Based off of Ouran Highschool Host Club. Luka Haruhi, Gakupo Tamaki, Kiyoteru Kyoya, Kaito Mori, Piko Honey, Rin/Len Twins
1. Starting Today, You're a Host!

**Hi hi~ Pudding here.**

**Yeah, someone just had to do it. I plan on tweaking the story a bit to match the Vocaloid's fanmade personalities. I may make my own chapters up, I may add and subtract from the original story.**

**If you've never read/watched Ouran High School Host Club, I suggest you do it. It's funny and laid back, and even the English dub is good. That's saying something.**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Ouran High School Host Club, the characters, or Vocaloid.**

**A fun thing I'm doing for this fic- guess the theme for the songs I wrote lyrics for in the scene transitions, and guess each song.**

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><p>"If there are four libraries in this school, then why is it noisy everywhere!" I screamed to myself. "If they're not there to study, they should just go home! Damn those rich bastards…"<p>

My name is Luka Megurine, age 15. I'm a freshman at Vocaloid High, a school for prestigious, wealthy families. I'm only here on a scholarship. I'm quite poor in fact.

"This has gotta be the only place left that holds a chance of being quiet…" I sighed, opening the door that said "Third Music Room."

"Welcome to the Host Club!" a group of voices chorused.

I blinked a couple times. Host Club? Oh my god, this was just too weird.

"What? It's a guy this time," two blonde twins said in sync. I recognized them from somewhere…

"Len, Rin, isn't he in your class?" a guy with glasses said.

"Yeah, but…" the boy, Len, started.

"…This one doesn't talk much with other people," Rin finished.

"So we don't know him well," they chorused.

The glasses guy smirked, as if he'd figured out something. "That's quite rude, you two."

He walked towards me, "Welcome to the Vocaloid High Host Club, special student Luki Megurine."

"H-Host Club?" I repeated, backing into the doorway, "W-Wait… how do you know my name?"

"Well, the way this school works makes it difficult for commoners to get in," Glasses Guy continued.

Oh, so I'm a commoner now?

"One must have a lot of nerve and be a studious bookworm in order to even have a hope of being accepted."

Nope, I am now a nerdy commoner with a lot of nerve. That should do it.

"So to speak, you are a hero, Megurine-kun!" a purple haired guy stood up and gripped my shoulders.

"Th-Thank you…?" I managed to say.

"For even if you are the top student of all the freshmen," he continued, ignoring me, "you are also the poorest in the school. Peers shall call you a weed, and you will be despised as a lower person! But do not worry; I praise the poorest!"

"N-no, I'm not as bad as you make me sound…" I countered, pushing the idiot off of my shoulder.

"Of course!" he declared, ignoring me again. "What's really important in a hero is that reckless spirit! Welcome to the luxuriant world, oh poorest person! All hail poverty!"

"Please excuse me, but I'm leaving now," I said uncomfortably.

"Ne, Lulu-chan!" a voice chirped as I was pulled away from the doorway.

"Lulu-chan, you're a hero?" a boy with white hair and an ahoge asked, a big smile on his face.

"I'm a special student, not a hero…" I argued. "Wait, who're you calling Lulu-chan?" I roared.

"Hm, I must say I never expected the rumored extraordinary student to be _gay_," Purple Idiot continued.

"G-Gay?" I repeated.

"Well, I guess that's what you get with pink hair," Len snickered.

"No need to hide it, Megurine-kun. Please, choose your host."

"Kaito Shion, the Wild Type? Piko Utatane, the Shota type? Len and Rin Kagamine, the Little Devil type? Kiyoteru Hiyama, the Cool Type? Or…

"Would you desire me, Gakupo Kamui, the King Type, as your escort?" he leaned in and stroked my cheek.

"N-No! You've got it wrong!" I said, backing away again. "I was just looking for a place to study and—"

I felt something hit my backside. I turned around and saw the most beautiful blue vase falling towards the ground. Time slowed down as I reached for it…

…and missed it.

~CRASH~

"Nooooooo!" I yelled in frustration.

"Aaaw," the twins said.

"We were hoping to put that up for bid at the school auction," Len said.

"For eight million yen, too~" Rin added.

"_Eight MILLION yen?_" I yelled. "A-About paying for this—"

"Can you?" the twins said in sync. "You can't even pay for our designated uniform." They gestured to my clothes. "What's with that get-up, anyway?"

"I-I couldn't find anything else that looked like a uniform from my dad's clothes!"

"What would you suggest, Gakupo?" Kiyoteru asked.

Oh no.

The Purple Idiot took a dramatic pose in his chair. "Have you heard of the saying, Megurine-kun? 'When in Rome, do as the Romans do'. If you can't pay the money, then work it off. Starting today, you are…

"The Host Club's _dog_."

Oh Mother in heaven, let me join you now please.

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><p><strong>Honto no kimochi o tsutaetai kedo mojimoji Toeto ga sore o kobamu<strong>

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><p>"Gakupo-kun, will you take me somewhere this summer?"<p>

"If that is what you wish."

"Gakupo-sama, what's your favorite song?"

"Of course, a song that we both share in our memories."

"I baked you a cake, today, Gakupo-kun. Will you eat it?"

Gakupo held the girl's chin to his face. "Only if you will feed it to me."

"Oh, Gakupo-kun~"

I rolled my eyes. Where did he get crap like that? Although, the girls seemed to be squealing over him… proving that I'm different.

"And she woke up all scared from a nightmare!" I heard Len laughing from a different table. The girls were swooning over him, too.

"Len!" Rin said, blushing. "Talking about that… talking about it in public is mean…" tears started to form in her eyes.

"Rin…" Len said, his eyes widening.

The girls at the table held each other's hands in anticipation.

"I'm so sorry, Rin," Len cupped her cheek in his hand, "You looked so cute just then. I just…"

"Len…" Rin cooed, looking away.

Assorted cries of "Kyaaa~" "The Forbidden Sibling Love!" and "I wish I was Rin" could be heard from the fan girls.

"Why are they so excited about a little twincest… I don't understand this world," I moaned.

"Our motto is to use the characteristics of our members to the fullest extent in order to answer customer needs," Kiyoteru said from behind me. "Gakupo is by far our most popular."

"You're kidding," I said flatly.

"No, in fact, 70% of our customers designate him."

"Work hard for that eight million yen, Megurine-kun," Gakupo whispered into my ear (quite seductively, might I add.)

"Wh-What the hell! Don't do that!"

Gakupo laughed, "Now, now, you won't be very popular with the ladies if you behave like that."

"Fortunately, I'm not very concerned with that issue…" I mumbled.

"What was that?" Gakupo leaned in.

"Well, what I mean is," I continued, "Girl, boy, appearance… they don't really matter, do they? It's what's on the inside that counts, more than anything else."

"So true!" Gakupo burst into dramatic (flamboyant) mode, "God blesses only a few with both good looks and a good soul, like myself. I know you feel you need to tell yourself, who is so imperfect, that looks aren't important…"

Hm, there's a word for people like him…

"Think of it this way; why is there art in museums? To show off beautiful things is the duty of all those who were born beautiful…"

Troublesome… annoying… those very well describe him, but there's a better word…

"…Therefore, I am beautiful. I founded this club for those hungers, and my effort to pursue that beauty is…"

How to say this…

"Ah, I got it!" I said out loud.

"Oh, so you've understood…"

"You're _obnoxious_," I stated, proud of my vocabulary. "Hm? Uh…"

Gakupo was huddled in a corner, looking quite depressed.

"Ahaha, you _are_ a hero!" Len laughed, slapping me on the back.

"There aren't many people who could hurt him that much!" Rin guffawed.

"I just said what I thought…" I murmured.

"Um, excuse me, Kamui-senpai—"

"Gakupo, you have many customers waiting in line. I suggest you get back to work," Kiyoteru advised, ignoring Gakupo's withdrawn form.

"Sorry we're late~" I heard Piko from the door. He was—get this—on Kaito's _back._ This seventeen-year-old shota midget having a piggyback ride.

"Ah, Piko-chu, Kaito-kun! We've been waiting," squealed one of the girls.

"I fell asleep while waiting for Kaito to get out of kendo practice~" Piko said, rubbing his eyes. "I'm still kind of sleepy…"

"Kyaaaa!" all the girls blushed and squealed.

"Is he really a senior?" I asked in disbelief. "And that scary-face guy hasn't said anything since I got here…"

"What are you talking about? Piko-senpai is the oldest in the club," Gakupo said, "And silence is Kaito-senpai's selling point."

"Ugh, I just wanted to study somewhere quiet, and I get this…!" I grumbled.

"Why? What about your home?" Gakupo inquired.

"Oh, my father brings his lover during the daytime, since he has a night job."

"So you don't get along with your father? Does he not pay for your tuition?"

I shook my head, "Oh no, my father and I get along just fine, although he spends too much money on stupid things… It's just that I want to bother him as little as possible. He brought me up for ten years by himself after Mother passed away, and I thought I should do whatever I can…"

"…That environment is pitiful, isn't it?" Gakupo asked.

"Huh? Not really…" I answered warily.

"Okay, Luki! It's time to learn!" he pointed a dramatic idiotic finger in my face.

"Maybe it's impossible with your looks, but I will train you thoroughly! If you can get… one hundred people! If you can get one hundred customers to designate you, then you will be debt-free!

"Your training starts now! First of all, when seducing a customer, it is imperative to look from a lower angle."

The idiot did so and bishounen sparkles surrounded him.

"I don't feel anything," I said bluntly. I was fine with being the 'dog', I didn't want to seduce other girls…

Gakupo reassumed his spot in the corner.

"Lulu-chan~" Piko glomped me.

"Whoa."

"Does Lulu-chan want to eat cakes with me?" he asked excitedly.

"Well… no, I don't really like sweets," I answered.

"Then would you like to play with my Tako-chan?"

"Tako-chan? I don't really like octopi either, though takoyaki is delicious…"

"You don't like my Tako-chan?" he asked, pulling the stuffed octopus in my face.

Taking a second look at it, it was pretty cute, wasn't it.

"I-It's cute…" I said.

"Right?" Piko smiled.

"Luki, can you go and get these things from the store?" Gakupo handed me a list.

"Wha…" I started, "I thought I was upgraded from grunt work!"

"Until you get a customer, you're still the dog," Kiyoteru said with a smirk.

Those damn rich bastards.

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><p><strong>hankei hachijuugo senchi ga kono te no todoku kyori ima kara furimawashimasu node hanarete ite kudasai<strong>

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><p>I walked back in to the clubroom with the groceries. Coffee, tea bags, sugar, half-and-half etcetera etcetera.<p>

"Ah, Little Piggy, thank you for buying our things!" Gakupo said, leaning over the sofa. He was with a customer. She had long wavy bubblegum pink hair—for the record, mine's more of a salmon pink—with these… obnoxious twin buns on the sides of her head.

"Hm? What's this?" Gakupo broke my train of thought.

"That? It's coffee, what else?" I scoffed.

"I can't say I've ever seen this brand before," he stated, carefully observing the container.

"Well, probably because it's not the expensive coffee beans you rich people buy."

"Oh!" Gakupo exclaimed, "Is this the kind where you buy it already ground?"

"No, it's instant," I replied.

"Instant?" the fan girls chorused.

"So this is the famous commoner coffee!" Len said in awe.

"You just add water, and it's ready to drink!" Gakupo exclaimed.

"So it's true that poor people don't even have time to grind beans…" Kiyoteru observed.

"_It's not that we don't have the time, it's that it's too much of a hassle,"_ I thought.

"I wanted to try it once~" Piko leaned in.

"Three hundred yen per one hundred grams? That's so cheap!" Rin said, shocked.

"Cheaper than one cup of coffee!" Gakupo added again.

"You know what, if it's that big of a deal, I'll just go back to the store and buy the right coffee!" I snapped, "Sorry that it wasn't the expensive coffee beans you usually use!"

"No, don't," ordered Gakupo. "I'll drink it."

The audience gasped.

"I will try this peasants' coffee!"

The audience applauded and "ooooh"ed.

These damn rich people…

The bubblegum girl giggled. "Gakupo-sama is playing around too much. There's no way commoners' coffee would suit his refined taste."

"Huh?" I asked.

She turned to me, "Oh, forgive me. I was just talking to myself."

"O…kay," I said, trying to sound as polite as possible.

"Luki! Come make some peasant's coffee for us!" Gakupo called.

I sighed and walked over to the table where the cups were set up. I picked up the kettle and poured the hot water into the teacups with instant coffee in them, just like any normal person would do. Except, of course, this time there were a bunch of rich bastards who didn't know how to make coffee 'ooh'ing and 'aahh'ing at my seemingly incredible feat.

"Please don't blame me if it doesn't suit your tastes," I said sarcastically.

"I'm a little scared to drink it," One of the girls said.

"My dad will get angry at me if I drink this…" another commented.

"How about mouth-to-mouth?" Gakupo said seductively as he held the girl's face close to his.

"I-I'll drink it!" she stuttered, blushing.

Away from the screaming fan girls, I saw Bubblegum Girl and what seemed to be one of her followers whispering. Loudly. If that makes any sense.

"Drinking such a thing… Gakupo-sama is crazy, don't you think so, Sai-sama?" the follower said.

Bubblegum Girl chuckled, "He's being polite to the peasant boy. However, being kind is a problem, too."

"Luki! I want another cup!" Gakupo exclaimed.

"Wait, you actually liked it?" I was taken aback.

"Yes, the inelegant flavor makes it very intruiging!"

"I see…"

"Hm? What's this?" Rin and Len asked, going through the rest of the groceries.

"That," I said, "Is instant ramen."

Everyone gasped, "Peasant's Ramen!"

Oh Mother, here we go again.

"It's just like the coffee; add hot water and let it sit. See if you can do it yourself."

Everybody grabbed a different ramen flavor and started passing around the water.

"My ingredients are stuck to the lid…" Kaito mumbled.

Whoa, he talks!

"If you put the ingredients below the noodles in the beginning, that won't happen," I demonstrated.

"What an amazing technique!" Gakupo awed, "Commoners are so efficient!"

"Whatever," I said, placing my glass of water down on the table.

Gakupo glared at me.

"What?" I asked, uncomfortable with the situation.

"Luki, when you are a host, it is important that you place your glass delicately. Use your pinky as a cushion; a beautiful man cannot make an ugly sound…"

"Tono," Len said.

"Even if you taught him the basics of being a host," Rin continued.

"In his case, he doesn't even pass the most basic visual criteria, right?" Len finished.

Rin walked over to my front side, "Well, for this type, even if you take off the glasses, his eyes will appear even smaller…" she said, removing my glasses.

"Hey, wait! I lost my contacts on the first day of school!" I protested. The Host Club members were all staring at me in shock.

"What, do I have something on my face?" I asked, annoyed.

Gakupo dashed forward and parted Rin and Len. He looked down dramatically and snapped.

"Rin! Len! You know what to do!"

"Yes Sir!" they shouted excitedly.

They grabbed each of my arms and took off with my screaming form.

I was carried to the dressing room. Len pulled out a boy uniform.

"You're going to get changed into this!"

"W-What?" I pointed at the expensive uniform, "I can't afford that!"

"Cooperate, Luki!" Rin yelled, and the two pounced on me, trying to get me into the uniform.

"Hey, cut that out! I'll put it on, alright! Go away while I'm changing!" I screamed, throwing them out before they could get a good look at my camisole.

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><p><strong>Sukiyaki Geisha Tempura Geisha Japanese food ippai aru kedo<strong>

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><p>"Ummm, Senpai," I called out, looking at myself in the mirror.<p>

"Ah, you're done putting it on?" Gakupo asked.

I opened the curtain and stepped out of the dressing room. "Is it really okay for me to take this uniform?"

Gakupo burst into happy tears, "You look so cute~ You're like a girl!"

Well, how 'bout them apples.

"Don't worry about the uniform, I can just add it to your debt…" Kiyoteru said quietly.

"Luki, you look so cute!" Rin squealed.

"If you were so good looking, why didn't you say so sooner?" Len asked.

"He might get customers like this," Kaito commented.

"Yes, just like I predicted!" Gakupo said dramatically.

Liar, you didn't predict anything.

"Your training is over! You have been promoted from dog to an official member of the host club, Luki Megurine!"

"Me? A host?" I said in shock.

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><p><strong>Yuruyaka ni kuchite yuku Kono sekai de Agaku boku no yui itsu no katsuro Iro aseta kimi no Hohoemi kizande Sen wo nuita~<strong>

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><p>"What are your hobbies, Luki-kun?"<p>

"Is it true that you commute by train?"

"Do you take care of your skin in some special way? It's so smooth~"

"N-No, nothing special…" I stuttered nervously. Oh my god, I could not converse with these shallow rich girls. I have no idea what to do.

"Why did you join this club, Luki-kun~?" they chorused.

"Oh, it's because I—"

That's right! If I can get one hundred customers, I can pay off my eight million yen debt! I totally forgot about it, but that's the plot, isn't it?

But I still don't know what to do… oh yeah! Gakupo-senpai said I should look at customers from a lower perspective.

"Would you…" I started, leaning down, "like to have another cup?"

The girl blushed and stuttered, "Y-Yes, please."

"May… I have one, too?" the second girl asked.

"Of course," I replied, smiling.

The three girls all started blushing.

"Why do they…?" I heard Len questioning.

"His innocence is probably refreshing," Kiyoteru concluded.

"And we don't have any polite characters besides him," Rin added.

"Oh my, your mother passed away ten years ago…?" One of the girls brought be back to the conversation.

"Yes, from an illness," I replied.

"Then what do you do about household chores…?" another asked.

"I do them myself," I stated bluntly. "My mother loved cooking… she left a lot of recipes while she was hospitalized. Learning how to cook them one by one was fun. And the same goes for the other chores. I loved those times very much," I finished with a smile.

I could've sworn I saw that Purple Idiot blushing out of the corner of my eye.

"May… I request you tomorrow, too?" the first girl asked.

"Oh, yes please, that'll help me out a lot!" I answered.

"Me, too…" another said.

"Luki!" Gakupo called me over.

"Luki, this is my best customer, Sai Tonarine-sama."

"Oh…" I replied. It was Bubblegum Girl…

"Very nice to meet you," I greeted. I don't get her tastes, but better smile anyway…

Gakupo blushed and glomped me, "Luki! That was so cute~ You're a natural at this!"

"Gakupo-sama…" Sai said.

"Let go of me, pervert!" I screamed. "Kaito-senpai, help me!"

Kaito swooped in, picked me up, and threw me over his shoulder.

I swear he groped my boobs.

"Kaito-senpai, you didn't have to go that far…" Gakupo said awkwardly.

"I was asked for help, so I helped," Kaito replied.

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><p><strong>Karamiau yubi hodoite Kuchibiru kara shita e to<strong>

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><p>"Hey, have any of you guys seen my book bag?" I asked.<p>

"What does Lulu-chan's bag look like?" Piko asked.

"It's brown, I guess…?"

"You mean like the one in the fountain?" Rin and Len pointed out the window.

"WHAT!" I ran over to the window. "No no no no no no… Ugh. My wallet's in there, too," I sighed as I saw that it WAS my bag that had been thrown out the window and into the fountain that featured a cherub peeing into it.

Damn perverted rich bastards.

I rushed down the hall to get my things, when someone bumped into me. "Oh, I'm sorry," I said, being polite.

"Oh, you're that peasant boy, correct?"

It was Sai Tonarine…

"I see that Gakupo-sama has worked hard to make you look better. Why don't you fix your faults in your upbringing, too?" she said as she strutted down the opposite way.

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><p><strong>Dame dame yo~ (Okay, guys, please guess that one right)<strong>

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><p>Okay, so Tonarine-san is definitely a suspect… but I don't have any proof, so I can't just go and accuse her of doing such a thing as throwing my bag in the water.<p>

"Why did you wet your bag?" Gakupo said, coming up behind me.

"I just dropped it, it's not like I would do something like this on purpose," I argued. "I can't find my wallet, though."

Gakupo put his bag down next to the perverted fountain and threw off his shirt.

"W-What are you doing?" I asked, blushing.

"Don't worry about me, Luki, beautiful men can't be hurt by water."

Okay, to be perfectly honest, that's not what I was worried about.

He looked at me and pinched my cheeks, "You're blushing~ Have you fallen in love with me?"

"What?"

"Hey, everyone, whoever finds Luki's wallet first gets 10% of the contents!" he called out to the rest of the Host Club, who were conveniently passing by.

"Sweet!" Rin and Len exclaimed.

"Hey! You can't decide that on your own! I never asked for your help!"

Despite my arguing, everyone seemed intent on finding my wallet. And after half an hour splashing each other with water and slipping and making perverted jokes about the weird fountain, Kaito had found the wallet.

Luckily, he didn't take any of the money inside.

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><p><strong>Tell me now That u really like the show<strong>

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><p>"I see… but weren't you troubling Gakupo-sama and the others by making them dirty their hands for you? But it certainly was scary that the bag fell into the pond by itself, isn't it…" Sai said while sipping tea.<p>

"Yes…" Why did this person designate me…

"However," she continued smugly, "Don't think that just because he's doting on you, that Gakupo-sama actually _likes_ you. He's just interested in your unusual family background. Maybe these weird things are happening because you are tagging along Gakupo-sama without thinking…?"

"That is…" I said. "So, in short, you are… jealous?" I said what I thought.

The next couple seconds were a blur to me. I've always been told I was slow. All I know is that it ended up with the table knocked over, and me on top of Bubblegum Girl on the floor.

"Help! Luki-kun suddenly got violent!" she wailed.

"Huh?" I still had no idea what happened.

"I knew he was barbarous," she continued, crying now, "Someone get this peasant off of me before—"

She didn't get to finish her sentence before Rin and Len poured water on our heads.

"Oops~" Rin stuck her tongue out.

"Our hands slipped," Len smirked.

"You thought we didn't know about it?" Kiyoteru asked, holding up pictures of Sai throwing my bag out the window, "Please don't underestimate our information network. Of course, we have evidence on the other issue as well."

"This woman is scary~" Piko cried.

"Looks so ugly," Kaito added.

(Okay, don't wanna ruin the mood, but whoa, Kaito, where did that come from?)

"You only look beautiful on the outside," Gakupo said smiling. "I hate to say this to my number one customer, but can you please never come back?"

"Wha… Gakupo-sama…" Sai was genuinely tearing up.

"I will not tolerate bad behavior towards any club member," he finished seriously.

"Stupid Gakupo-sama!" Sai cried as she ran out of the room.

"Yeah, we have those kinds of customers every so often," Rin commented.

"That's right," Gakupo said, "And Luki, your punishment for losing our best customer, is that you now have to get a million customers on your quota before your debt is paid!"

"What?" One hundred was bad enough!

"Sorry about the water, but…" Len said.

"This is the only spare uniform we have," Rin finished, holding up a paper bag with her name on it. "Sorry, it's one of my spares. You should fit in it, though~"

"Yeah, okay…"

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><p><strong>Afuredasu namida wa itsumo onaji demo Itami ni wa kokoro ga narete wa kurenai<strong>

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><p>"Luki, I have towels…" Gakupo walked into the dressing room.<p>

"Hey, Purple Idiot, I'm changing!" I yelled, covering my bra.

Gakupo blushed and closed the curtain.

"…Luki?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you a girl?"

"Uh, yeah, biologically, at least," I answered.

I walked out of the dressing room in Rin's uniform. Gakupo gasped and blushed.

"B-But, Luki's a guy name!" Gakupo argued.

"But Luki isn't my real name," I countered. "I'm Luka Megurine. The school list made a typo. I've actually had a lot of mix-ups previously, so I just don't care anymore."

"I noticed from the beginning~" Piko said.

"I can't believe it took you that long!" Rin and Len snickered.

"Well, I figured if you senpais thought I was a guy, it was okay with me. My consciousness of being a guy or a girl is lower than the average person, I guess. And I'm not that interested in appearances either." I dug through my bag, "See, here's my middle school ID."

Everyone huddled around. "Hey! You had long hair back then! What happened?" Piko asked.

"My neighbors' kids stuck gum in it, so I cut it the day before school started. But…

"You were cool, earlier, Senpai, when you confronted Tonarine-san like that."

Gakupo was blushing furiously, for reasons unbeknownst to me.

"And actually, I realized it's not that bad to be a host and listen to girls chit-chat. They're actually kind of cute," I added.

"Huh!" Gakupo yelled.

"I'm probably a little into that~ Oh yeah, I should call everyone 'dude' and 'bro' from now on just to make it that much more convincing."

"Hey!" Gakupo shouted, "You can't do that! You're a girl!"

And… yup, that's pretty much how life at Vocaloid High's Host Club started for me.

Bet you wanna go now, huh?

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><p><strong>Yay~ You have no idea how long this took me, despite its simpleness.<strong>

**Don't worry, Rin's reason for being the only girl in the Host Club will be explained in the next chapter.**

**I'm going to be merging chapters and episodes to form a more efficient way of writing. Bear with me!**

**Please leave a review~ When I have three reviews, I'll upload the next chapter. Thank you~**

**Maple Puddin'**


	2. The Crap You Gotta Deal With as a Host

**Hi hi~ Pudding here.**

**Since I've gotten a few remarks about this, Len will be playing Hikaru for the most part and Rin Kaoru.**

**The other Vocaloids will definitely make an appearance, but I'm trying my best to make them not as filler-ish as most characters are. For instance, I have added Miku as a semi-regular starting this chapter. If you have any suggestions or requests for who should play who in future chapters, or if you have any original plot suggestions, I'm very open to that kind of stuff.**

**Please no OC requests, though.**

**I'm going to be updating Playing Cupids and Ah, It's a Wonderful Cat Life as soon as I can! Please read them and support me!**

**DISCLAIMER: Dis claimer claims dat I don't own Vocaloid, OHSHC, or UTAU.**

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><p><strong>Remember to guess which song lyrics I put~ And answer the QOTC!<strong>

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><p>"Hatsune-san, you spelled this wrong," I said, pointing to the mistake. "It should be w-o-u-l-d, not w-o-o-d."<p>

Miku Hatsune pouted, "But they sound the same!"

I smiled, "But they spell and mean two different things. English is a fun language to learn, but you have to work hard."

Miku blushed, "Th-Thank you for the tutoring, Luki-kun. S-Same time tomorrow?"

"Of course," I replied, "And thanks again for paying me for this, even though it's not necessary…"

"Oh no, it's necessary, I've never been good at English **(A/N: We're well aware of that, Miku)**… but Luki-kun, you're amazing!"

"Sure," I said, gathering up my things as I heard the bell ring, "Now if you'll excuse me, free period is over and I need to go to the Host Club."

Miku beamed, "Oh yes, I'll be visiting tomorrow! I usually designate the Kagamine Twins, but do you think I could…" she played with her pigtails, "Could I choose you…?"

"That would help me out a lot," I smiled, "Thank you Hatsune-san!"

"C-Call me Miku…" she stuttered before I rushed out of the second library.

Jeez, those guys are gonna give me hell if I'm late.

I dashed up to the Third Music Room and opened the door.

Now correct me if I'm wrong, but last I checked it was early April.

Yup, pretty sure that's right.

So tell me why that when I walked in, all five guys were shirtless (Rin with a…revealing outfit) and the clubroom looked like a tropical paradise?

"Welcome!" they all chorused.

I tripped over my own two feet in shock.

"What? It's just Luka… You're late," Rin and Len said.

"We thought Lulu-chan was a customer," Piko commented, "We even posed and everything~"

"W-Why in the world are you all dressed like that?" I stammered. "It's freezing outside!"

"We have a different theme every week," Kiyoteru explained, writing a few things on his clipboard.

"And the Cherry Blossom theme isn't until next week," Rin and Len pointed out.

"Fearing the chill of spring is nonsense!" Gakupo declared, waving the fan he was holding about his face. "After all, what do you think we have this flawless heating system for~?"

"Tch," I hissed, irritated at Gakupo's immature and idiotic behavior.

"Is there something of the club's policies you want to criticize, Oh _Luki-kun_, who owes us a debt of eight million yen?" Kiyoteru asked, smiling the whole time.

"Argh!" I screamed. I hate being at other people's mercy. Much more these rich bastards…

"A good man should not bundle himself up," Gakupo continued, ignoring the mini-argument, "Even if it is early spring when the world is freezing! Yes! Today, this place is the ultimate ultra-hot tropical paradise~!"

"On the contrary, I feel cold in various ways," I muttered, rubbing my temples.

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><p><strong>Kurushikute kanashikute Kuyashikute yametakute Sore sura mo yurusarezu Nani mo ka mo ushinau dake de<strong>

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><p>I must admit, I'm getting hot in the guy's uniform…<p>

I continued to serve beverages while I wasn't designated. I was currently taking orders from Gakupo's table. Of course, the stuff he was saying made me want to barf…

"This is such cruelty," he started dramatically, bishounen sparkles surrounding him, "This skin as sleek as ivory… This ceremonial dress akin to the King of Bali…"

It was at this point I realized he was flattering himself, not the customer.

"But before my goddesses, I can only succumb… and am nothing but a loyal servant," he finished, leaning at a lower angle.

Yup, that ought to do it…

"Tamaki-kun…" the girl cooed, hearts in her eyes.

"Tamaki-sama…"

"Wow~"

I, unfazed, cleared the empty glass and walked away.

"Ah, that's right," Gakupo continued, sounding a bit more dignified, "Friday is when our Vocaloid Host Club Ball takes place."

"Ball?" I coughed, almost breaking the empty glass.

"What kind of things do you do at a Ball~?" a girl at Rin and Len's table asked.

Okay, we ALL know she knew what it was. Who hasn't heard of Cinderella?

"We book the entire central hall of the Central Building…" Len said.

"…And it'll just be the most fantastic thing ever," Rin finished dreamily.

Anyone else notice they didn't actually answer the question?

"But I really wanted to spend it alone with you… Rin…" Len said seductively, leaning in towards Rin and cupping her cheek.

"Don't say that, Len…" Rin protested softly, "Honestly, though, me too…"

"Kyaa, it's so beautiful~" a fan girl screamed.

"Hey, Rin." I set the glass down on the table.

"Yeah?" Rin responded, hands still interlocked with Len's, who was still looking at her with that bishounen-shota hybrid look.

"How come you're in the Host Club when you're a girl?"

"Oh, that," Rin sighed. "Well, Tono wanted to recruit Len only since he had so many fan girls, but the two of us come in a package, and you can make a lot of profit off of twincest! Plus, I can dress up as Len to look like him, and vice versa, so that adds as shota fan service~"

"But won't the fan girls be… like, mad at you? For the whole twincest thing?" I asked.

"Not really, they respect me as being the sole female in the Host Club," Rin said proudly.

"Actually, there are rumors going around lately that Rin is a guy," Kiyoteru mentioned.

"WHAT?" Rin and Len screamed.

_I bet he started the rumor…_ I thought.

"So you plan the themes, Kiyoteru-senpai?" I asked, wanting a change of subject.

"I do not have power to make the decision," he answered, "The operations of this club are entirely decided upon by the King, Gakupo."

In my mind, I could see a picture of a deliriously happy chibi Gakupo running in endless circles with a crown on his head.

"But," Kiyoteru added, "I suppose it might have paid off nonchalantly leaving a photo collection of Bali on his desk."

Chibi Gakupo's crown fell of his head and he started crying before Kiyoteru put it back on.

"You have some customers, _Luki_," Kiyoteru brought me out of my (odd) fantasy.

"H-Hello, Luki-kun!" I saw Miku and one of her friends.

"Oh, hello, Hatsu… Miku-chan!" I greeted.

"These are my friends, Megumi and Lily Nakajima. They're cousins!"

**(A/N: Dude, my spell check thinks that Megumi and Nakajima are both words :O)**

"Call me Gumi, please," said Gumi, holding out a hand.

"Um, okay, won't the three of you have a seat," I said awkwardly, pulling out some chairs.

"Luki-kun, aren't you going to wear tropical clothing like the rest of the host club?" Miku asked.

"I want to see~" Gumi cooed.

"No!" I shouted, but caught myself, "I mean, I think that early spring clothes should be worn in early spring…"

Look, if you saw the horrifyingly showy outfit that Gakupo wanted me to wear, you'd have reacted like that, too.

"So Luki-kun wants to treasure the sense of the seasons, huh?" Lily asked, hearts practically floating around her form.

Huh. Sure, let's go with that explanation.

"Then, wouldn't it be so wonderful to see the blooming cherry blossoms at the Ball!" Miku squealed dreamily.

"A couple dancing amidst cherry blossoms would be super dreamy!" Lily finished.

"Is that so?" I asked, smiling as best I could.

"That's so cute of you all to have dreams," I said, feeling the bishie sparkles around my head.

Miku and Lily blushed and looked away, but Gumi just smiled and stared at me.

"Hey, what's this here?" I asked, pointing to one of the dishes.

"Oh, that's sukiyaki. Haven't you ever had it before, Luki-kun?" Miku asked cheerily.

"Can't say I have…" I muttered. The girls all gave me pitying looks.

"W-Well I'm sure there will be lots of fancy food at the Ball that you can have!" Lily encouraged.

"Fancy…" I repeated, "You mean like ootoro? That fancy tuna?"

The girls all gasped.

"L-Luki-kun…"

"You've… never had…"

"Ootoro before? That's… that's so sad…"

"I love tuna…" I said quietly, "I've always wanted to try ootoro. Do you think there'll be some at the party?" I asked, my eyes filling up with hope.

Gumi smiled at me and stood up.

"You really are cute. I've decided," she declared, caressing my cheek, "I'm going to make you my new favorite~"

I blinked a couple times. "Uh, alright. Thank you?"

"You _are_ adorable!" she squealed, hugging me.

At a different table, Gakupo's reaction to that comment was apparently to throw a hissy fit.

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><p><strong>RUURU ga boku wa iya de Tada shibararetaku nakute Dakara boku wa nigedashite Atosaki no koto wa wasure <strong>

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><p>"Rin, Len, any idea why Gakupo-senpai's hunched up in the corner?" I asked.<p>

Rin and Len looked to the deflated Purple Idiot and shook their heads. "Did something happen during business today?" they asked.

"I bet it was because Gumi-chan chose Lulu-chan as her new favorite over Gakkun~" Piko said, gobbling up cakes.

"Oh, that makes sense then," Rin said.

"He's just jealous over losing Nakajima-san _again_," Len said, placing emphasis on the "again".

"No! That's wrong!" Gakupo shouted at the twins.

"I can't stand it anymore!" he exclaimed, taking a dramatic pose. "Luka, look like a girl already!"

"Wha?"

"Why do you have to be popular amongst girls if you are a girl yourself? Daddy wants his little girl to live a wholesome life!"

"Daddy! What's this distorted sense of family?" I asked, alarmed.

"Daddy wants…" he murmured, digging through a trunk, "Daddy wants to see you when you looked like this!" he shouted, pulling out a giant picture of me from middle school.

"Don't blow up my photo like that without even telling me! It looks stalkerish!" I yelled in response.

Okay, stalkerish is SO a word.

"And I really don't care if people think I'm a guy, so just chill out about it, dude."

"GIRLS SHOULD NOT SAY DUDE!" Gakupo yelled. "Mommy! Luka-chan's using foul language~!"

"Okay, if he's Daddy, who's Mommy?" Rin and Len asked.

"Position-wise, probably me," Kiyoteru said, pushing up his glasses.

"And you don't really need to worry about it, Gakkun," Piko said, clenching his Tako-chan. "Physical exams are tomorrow, after all."

"Physical exams?" I repeated.

Recalling the physical exams at my middle school, the guys were required to take off their shirts. And most of them did it in public.

"That's right, isn't it? I forgot about that…" Kiyoteru said, taking notes on his clipboard.

"Then, I guess that means that there's no doubt… People are going to find out I'm a girl," I said slowly.

I saw a triumphant (yet idiotic) grin spread across Gakupo's face.

"But I'm not sure if you understand, Tono," Len said.

"This could be a problem," Rin added.

"If word gets out that Lulu-chan's a girl," said Piko, "Then she can't be in the Host Club anymore!"

Gakupo froze.

"On the other hand," Piko went on, "If she started wearing girl's clothes, Lulu-chan'd probably be even cuter~"

"She must've been pretty popular with all the boys back in middle school, when she dressed like a girl," Len said.

"Yeah," Kiyoteru said, flipping through his clipboard, "According to my investigative reports, a different guy would declare their undying love to her monthly."

They're talking about me like I'm not even there…

Whoa, monthly? That can't be right; I don't remember ever getting any confessions…

"Oh, I see," Rin responded, "So Tono wouldn't even be able to get close to her with so many admirers—"

"Don't you worry, Luka!" Gakupo yelled, grabbing my shoulders. The rest of the Host Club grinned. "We're determined to make sure no one finds out you're a girl during the physical exams! So please promise me you'll stay our secret princess!"

I blinked. "Sure," I said flatly.

"Listen up, men, and Rin," Gakupo said seriously, tapping a whiteboard, during the exam, place yourselves in Position A and wait for my signal."

"Oh, I get it," I suddenly realized. "You guys are worried because if it's let out that I'm a girl then I can't be a host and therefore can't repay my debt!

"My balance left is ¥6,333,332… Well, guess I'll have to come up with some other way to pay you back," I started chuckling.

"She has no motivation!" Rin and Len yelled at Gakupo.

"Are you saying that you dislike being a host?" Gakupo yelled, pointing a dramatic finger, "That you hate this club?"

"Well, to be honest I'd have to say yes."

I saw the look on Gakupo's face and reworded that sentence.

"Well, I mean, I don't hate the club in of itself, but if everyone finds out I'm a girl, there's nothing I can do, you know?"

"She doesn't seem to care one way or the other!" Len commented.

"I still don't see why she can't accompany me in being a girl host~" Rin sighed.

"We just need to find some way to motivate her…" Piko thought.

"Ootoro," Kaito said flatly.

I whipped my head around to the sound of that beloved word.

Oh, my god I wanted to eat ootoro…

"Oh, that's right…" Gakupo said evilly, "I heard from Miku-chan that you've never eaten ootoro before…"

"Of course, if she was in the club, we could make sure that there would be plenty ootoro at the Host Club Ball, which is the day after exams~" Rin and Len chorused teasingly.

"If only Lulu-chan could find a way to stay in the Host Club, she'd be able to eat _all kinds_ of yummy things _whenever she wants~_" Piko finished, hugging Tako-chan.

"O-Oh, come on," I stammered, waving a hand, "Just because I'm poor and, and haven't eaten ootoro before doesn't mean that I'm so desperate to try it that I'd… I'd…

"…"

"… Am… Am I really gonna get to try it?"

"Wahoo!" Rin and Len sang.

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><p><strong>I know, I'm combining episodeschapters 2 & 3, I just want to make sure each character has a lasting appearance. I want Gumi to appear a few more times before I get that filler-plot Kanako had out of the way. I'm changing the story up a bit, making it my own (sort of)!**

**Okay, my traditional Question Of The Chapter makes a comeback~**

**QOTC: Who should I cast as Nekozawa (and/or Kirimi)? Who should I cast as Renge? Who should I cast as the Lobelia (UTAU in this case) Academy girls?**

**Please review, answer the question, yadda yadda yadda.**

**I love you all! **Throws muffins about for readers to catch and devour****

**~Pudding~**


	3. The Physical Exam of DEATH and DOOM

**Hi hi~**

**New chapter yay! I've decided the parts for most of the characters (warning; I just rush into all of my stories without a plan)**

**Gumi's name, Megumi Nakajima, is the name of her voice provider, a voice actress for Ranka Lee in Macross Frontier. She has the same birthday as me, and her voice sounds remarkably like Gumi's.**

**Lily is also a Nakajima because she doesn't have a last name and she's from Internet Co as well. Giving someone the last name Megpoid is just weird. I hate doing it in AU fics…**

**DISCLAIMER: Vocaloid belongs to their respective companies, and Ouran High School Host Club belongs to Hatori Bisco, which is the best name ever. It sounds like Biscotti.**

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><p>"Here we go," I sighed, walking up the lane to Vocaloid High, the most obnoxious looking school in all of Japan.<p>

If you can recall the last chapter, I was to have physical exams today, but posing as a guy. And I wasn't too confident in the Host Club's abilities, surprisingly enough.

"Good morning, Luki-kun…"

"Hey Megurine!"

"H-Hello Luki-kun!"

And so on were the greetings from both female and male students. I would just smile and wave back.

Like some contestant in the Miss America pageant.

"Hey Luka!" the twins shouted from behind, provoking a shriek out of me.

"Hey, you two!" I hissed, "If you really want my cover as a guy to stay intact, I suggest calling me Luki."

"You ready for the physical exam today?" They asked, ignoring my comment.

"Well, I guess so…" I replied, "As long as there aren't any fancy rich people gimmicks."

"Nope," Rin said nonchalantly.

"Just a regular physical exam," said Len.

"Really?" I asked, shocked, but also relieved. "Good, then this shouldn't be…"

"Welcome~" a long, long line of handsome doctors and Nurse Joys said cheerily as we walked into the hall.

"Wha–?" I exclaimed. I turned to the twins. "YOU GUYS SAID THAT THIS WOULD BE A REGULAR PHYSICAL EXAM!"

"Well, did we lie?" Len asked rhetorically.

"It's just the same as usual, isn't it?" Rin asked while walking into the huge room.

"These damn rich people," I said to myself.

"Kagamine-kun, I'll be your attendant for today, so please follow me~" a Barbie-like nurse said, gesturing to a curtained area.

"Sure thing," Len responded.

"Kagamine-sama, will you follow me so we can begin the exam," a doctor said to Rin.

"Sure thing!" she replied.

"Megurine-kun?" a voice said as a hand was placed on my shoulder.

"Hm?"

"I'll be conducting the exam, so if you'll come with me…" a Nurse Joy said.

"Uh, sure…" I said awkwardly.

I mean, what would happen if I refused? When was the plan going to kick in?

I almost choked on my own saliva when I saw Piko and Kaito in lab coats.

"K-Kaito-senpai and Piko-senpai? Why the hell are they…"

"They're just here in case something goes wrong," Kiyoteru said from behind me.

Okay, what possible situation could require two obviously disguised seniors to help?

"Ooh, look, it's Piko-chan and Kaito-kun!"

"Why are they dressed as doctors~?"

Oh lord, even the fan girls were pointing them out.

"Why go through this process at all when we could just have a regular physical exam?" I wondered out loud.

"This is mainly just a formality," Kiyoteru explained, "Although this is a school, it's also a business, from which the chairman profits off of. He needs to make the students happy."

A bunch of fan girls squealed when they saw Len come out of the curtain without a shirt on.

"…And as you can see, it makes the female students positively ecstatic."

"What is wrong with the girls at this school…?"

"…Kagamine-sama, please step this way so we can do your chest measurements," I heard a Nurse Joy say cheerily.

Len sprinted across the hall and grabbed Rin's hands.

Yes, he was still shirtless.

"This is intolerable! Rin…" Len said softly, leaning in, "I won't let them touch you."

Rin smiled coyly, "What are you saying? We're always playing the doctor game back home… and you always played with my body to the fullest…"

"KYAAAA!" the fan girls screamed.

How much do you want to bet that they were all just thinking of themselves in Rin's place?

This was just a more public display of the Host Club activities, really…

"This way, Lulu-chan! Now!" Piko said as he and Kaito pushed me out of the crowd and into a dressing room.

"W-What!" I yelled as I fell back to the floor. Except I hit something soft.

"I've been waiting for you… my princess~"

Ugh.

"G-Gakupo-senpai?" Wait, why was I stuttering? Was I blushing?

"Yes, that surprised look on your face is cute, too!" Gakupo said approvingly. "Don't worry, I'm here to help you."

"Megurine-sama," I heard a nurse call from outside, "We'll be doing your chest measurements now. Please come out when you've removed your clothes."

"Waaa! It's Luki-kun's turn now!"

"Our first time we get to see!"

The girls here are so messed up…

"…Wha—Gakupo-senpai, what the hell are you doing?" I asked as I saw him put on a short, pink wig.

"Don't worry, I'll protect you," he said with a Host Club smile.

"Megurine-sama, are you almost done?" the nurse called again.

"Yes," Gakupo said, opening the curtain.

"Luki Megurine here…" he said, doing his best impression of me.

An awkward silence followed.

"But that's Gakupo-sama, isn't it?" a fan girl asked.

"Where's Luki-kun?" another asked, peering into the dressing room as best she could.

A third girl gasped, "Were you two in the same dressing room together?"

"BWAHAHAHAHAHA!" the twins were banging their fists on the countertop.

"I can't believe he actually did it!" Len yelled cackles.

"Of course they'd notice!" Rin managed to gasp out, clutching her sides.

"Oh, God my stomach hurts!" they both shouted.

"You two!" Gakupo said, grabbing Len by the shoulders and Rin by her camisole, "You two said they'd never find out this way!"

Rin and Len were still trying to hold in snickers, and were unable to respond while biting their lips.

"I-I'm sorry…" Gakupo peered into the dressing room again, "They found out."

I shot him a death glare (the one that tells you I'm reeeeeeaaaaally pissed) and he screamed and hid behind Kiyoteru.

I sighed. He really is the kind of person who could only survive in a relaxed world.

"Luki," Kiyoteru said, "I've arranged for your exam to be held in the Special Male Student Nurse's Office. The nurse there has been told to keep our secret, and nobody else will be there."

"Thanks," I mumbled.

"Yeah, turns out that all the doctors and nurses here work for the Hiyama family's hospital," Rin said, peeling an orange.

"If he'd only told us sooner, we could've avoided this whole fiasco," Len said while chewing a banana.

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><p><strong>Kono semai nihon ni otoko toshite umareta nara Tenka wo toreru made tomanna Donna kabe mo koete yuke<strong>

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><p>"Megurine-san, right?" a woman said as I opened the door to the Special Male yadda yadda whatever. "I've been told about your situation. Please change behind that curtain over there."<p>

"Shore," I said, doing as I was told.

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><p><strong>Hajime mashou ka SHOW TIME Utsukushi kimi wo shou tai<strong>

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><p><strong>Len POV (ya, ikr)<strong>

"I'm telling the truth!" a girl yelled.

I turned my head to the familiar-sounding scream and ran to find my sister. It seemed the rest of the Host Club had the same idea.

"Rin, what's going on?" I asked in a panic.

"Something happened to Neru-chan," Rin answered, consoling the girl.

Oh, yeah. Neru Akita. Second-year. Olympic level texter and rabid fan girl of yours truly. Plus the number one supporter of the twincest act we got going on…

"What was it?" Kiyoteru asked, leaning in towards Neru, making her blush. Oh kill me now.

"I-It was," she stuttered, "There was a creepy-looking doctor… and he GROPED ME! I've never been so terrified!" she wailed.

**For the record, groping does suck. Like, really. Especially by creepy guys.**

As much as I don't want to offend the crying (bitch of a) girl, she doesn't have much to grope.

"I thought as much," Kiyoteru said thoughtfully.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Rin and I yelled in unison.

…What, you thought we planned those things? No! Do you script your conversations?

"I saw a doctor in here earlier that didn't look familiar to me. He must've slipped in somehow."

"Okay, you totally could've told us that sooner," Rin and I remarked.

"Well, it's no big deal, I'm sure the security guard'll catch him," Kiyoteru responded almost… cheerily.

"Aki-chan, did you see where the pervert went?" Piko asked Neru.

"Yes," she nodded. "He headed off to the Special Male Student Nurse's Office!"

I choked on my third banana.

"Luka!" the Host Club members gasped in unison.

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><p><strong>Konna kimochi wa hajimete <strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Luka POV<strong>

I heard the curtain open and close behind me as I took off my uniform. I looked back and saw a creepy-looking guy in a lab coat.

"Um, excuse me," I said politely.

The man gasped, as if he didn't think anyone else would be in here, and put a hand over my mouth, rambling, "No, no, it's not what you think! Please don't say anything! Don't scream!"

If this guy's trying to convince me he's not a rapist, he's doing one hell of a job what with seeing me with nothing but a camisole covering my top half and then assaulting me.

"_Gakkun__Kick!_" a voice yelled as Gakupo flew into the room (with an open shirt) and kicked the poor pervert against the wall.

Then he did like eight back flips in the air before landing again like a boss.

**That was the exact moment OHSHC became awesome. That and the homo line.**

"Lulu-chan! We're here to rescue you~" Piko said cheerily, opening the curtain the rest of the way.

"P-Please don't hurt me! Spare me my life!" the man wailed, his back up against the dent he made in the wall.

I looked at the rest of the Host Club members, who had followed in after Piko. They didn't seem to object, so the man kept on talking.

"I-I'm a doctor," he started, "I have a small emergency medical clinic that I run in the next town over. My name is—"

"Wait," Rin and Len interrupted.

"You're a filler character, you can't have a name," Len said.

"Yeah, and there aren't any Vocaloids or UTAUs that Pudding can think of who are middle-aged perverts," Rin added.

"I think it's a bit early to be breaking the fourth wall, you two," Kiyoteru said, pushing up his glasses.

"Anyway," the unnamed filler character said irritably, "I came here looking for my daughter. My wife left me last week and took her with her."

"Um," I said, raising my hand. "Not to pry, but why exactly did they leave you?"

"They were tired of constantly living in debt," he sighed.

"Oh," I responded awkwardly.

Have you ever noticed how awkward the word "awkward" is? Especially to write or type. You always think you've got it wrong.

"I know I'm terrible at managing our money, and I can't say no to anybody. So I can't blame them for leaving…" he said woefully, bowing his head.

Gakupo was in tears by now.

"But I wanted to see my daughter one more time so I wandered around until I found your school. But then I was mistaken for a doctor…!"

"Well, yeah, you're wearing a lab coat," Len muttered.

"Anyone would make that assumption," Rin added.

"And then it happened… I was just walking around the halls, and I touched a girl on the shoulder. 'Do you know my daughter?' I asked. But then she started screaming rape!"

"Stop right there," Kiyoteru said. "Your daughter wouldn't happen to go to Boukaloid Public High School, would she?"

The man looked up, "Uh, yeah, that's it…"

"Well, then you have the wrong school," Kiyoteru stated simply.

"What?" the doctor squawked.

"This is Vocaloid Academy, a private school for the wealthy."

"Wow, Kiyoteru-senpai," Rin whistled.

"How'd you figure that out?" Len asked.

"Simple. There's no way a daughter of such a small-time doctor would ever be able to get into Vocaloid Academy."

"Hm," I gave Kiyoteru a glare.

"Kiyoteru," Gakupo said softly, "Can you get a map of all the public schools in the district? I'd like to help this man find his daughter."

I looked at Gakupo in shock. I mean seriously, where did that come from after that whole "Gakkun Kick" thing?

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><p><strong>Kyou mo mata utsukushii onna ga boku no moto otozureru Hohoemi wo ukaberu anata wa atarashii tsuma to naru<strong>

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><p>"You sure about this?" Len asked as the man walked away.<p>

"After all," Rin continued, "Even if he does manage to find his daughter, there's no guarantee she'll accept him."

"Well then," Gakupo sighed, "That's something he'll have to find out for himself."

I smiled to myself. I think… maybe Gakupo isn't as conceited and idiotic as I had first thought.

That doesn't rule out _all_ conceitedness and idiocy, though, so don't think I'm in love with him or anything.

"Could you guys please leave now, please?" I asked.

The more… expressive members of the club looked taken aback.

"L-Luka? Are you still angry with me? You're not thinking of quitting the Host Club, are you?" Gakupo cried.

I giggled. Yup, he's still an idiot. "Don't be stupid, Senpai, I just have to finish my physical exam. As Luki Megurine, of course. Ah, but let me explain," I continued when I saw the twins open their mouths, "I'm not doing this (just) because you're bribing me with ootoro. I'm (also) doing it to pay off my debt!"

Gakupo blushed briefly and then glomped me, spinning me around and yelling, "Luka! You're so cute! I can see right through you! I know you're just after that ootoro~"

"C-Cut it out, Senpai!" I yelled, blushing. "Hey, don't touch me there!" I screamed, punching Gakupo in the face.

"Red card!" Rin and Len yelled.

"Looks like Gakupo-senpai…" Len started.

"Is a Class A pervert~" Rin finished.

"I don't care, will you guys just leave me to change in peace!" I yelled, kicking them out.

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><p><strong>Wahoo. It's two in the morning. So I'm gonna go to bed now.<strong>

**TAKE THE POLL ON MY PAGE, PLEASE! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE! I NEED TO KNOW WHO'S GONNA BE NEKOZAWA AND KIRIMI!**

**QOTC: What do y'all think of Stella Hoshine being Kotoko (Luka's mom)? She's got the pink hair down part-way at least...**

**Leave a review if you laaaaaaaaaaav me!**

**Dude. That button down there is telling you to leave a review. I would do it man, don't wanna make it angry.**

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	4. It's Teto's Turn Forever! Part I

**Hi hi~**

**I'm gonna try to get this up as soon as possible. I have an eighth grade shadow tomorrow~ Excitement!**

**And the winner for Renge is… TETO KASANE :3**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Vocaloid. I don't own Ouran HSHC. I don't own a 3DS. I don't own the new Animal Crossing game for 3DS that hasn't even come out in Japan yet. I don't own the new Super Smash Brothers Game that hasn't come out yet.**

**Basically, I don't own shit.**

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><p><strong>Paris, France. ? POV<strong>

I sat in my room with the lights off, blipping through **(well, ****whaddya ****know, ****apparently ****blipping ****is ****a ****word! ****Thanks, ****Spell-check!)** my choices on the TV screen. Miyabi-kun had told me to go to the classroom after school, so I decided to choose that option…

My character entered the classroom and I held my breath as I saw my dream prince charming appear on the screen.

"I love you," he said, "I think about nothing but you. Will you accept my feelings?"

A black box appeared on the screen, covering up my love's head. One option read "It's not possible… now…" and the other "I'm so happy… Miyabi-kun."

"I'm so happy, Miyabi-kun," I mumbled as I chose the latter.

"My lady," one of the maids called out from the hall. "Your brother has returned."

I ignored her and continued to talk to Miyabi-kun~

"My lady?"

The door opened and I heard my brother's voice, "Teto?" he asked. He saw what I was doing and sighed. "You really like playing video games, huh, Teto-chan?"

"Is that so wrong?" I asked softly, still absorbed in the game.

"No, not at all," my brother answered. "I want you to live your life freely and easily. I'll let you have whatever you want. I've always promised you that."

"I see," I answered quietly.

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><p><strong>Zutto soba de miteru yo BAKKUAPPU wa makasete Hidari kara migi e to Dekigoto ga acchi kocchi docchi <strong>

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><p>"So Ted, how was your business trip to Tokyo?" I asked, putting some margarine on my French bread.<p>

"It went well," he answered, spreading butter on his bread, "Ah yes," he added, pulling a picture out of his pocket. "I was eating with my business associate, Hiyama-san's, family last week. They have a son who's in high school, just like you!" he said cheerily.

I took the picture and gasped. The boy… the boy with glasses…

Miyabi-kun!

"Onii-sama…" I said quietly.

"Hm?" Ted asked with bread in his mouth.

I hit my fist on the table and stood up. "Onii-sama, I am going to marry this boy!" I shouted.

"Wh-What?" Ted choked on his bread.

"Don't forget, you promised I could have whatever I want~" I sang, running to pack my luggage.

"H-Hey, Teto-chan!" Ted called as I ran past him with my suitcase in tow.

"Oh, wait for me, my prince!" I cooed, running downstairs.

The plane left about five seconds later and I could barely hear Ted calling me over my excitement.

* * *

><p><strong>"Zuko" te iwanaide Watashi wa pro jyanai mon Furansu pan ga Koubutu nano dessu Magarine de taberu noda~<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Luka POV<strong>

I, surprisingly enough, had survived the physical exams. Yatta.

And now, for some reason, we've changed the theme periodically from Tropical Humid Sticky Land to Hot Guys Wearing Kimonos. Therefore, all the hot guys are wearing kimonos. And Rin.

Oh, and just so we're clear on the time line, it's Wednesday. And the Ball is Friday.

"Gakupo-kun, why are you so beautiful?" a girl asked, a hopeful look in her eyes.

What the hell was she expecting him to say?

"So that I can stay in your eyes every second I can…" Gakupo answered smoothly.

"Why is your voice so mellow?" another girl asked.

What did these girls expect from him?

"So that my feelings can reach the depths of your heart…" Gakupo purred.

"Why are you looking at me with such watery eyes?"

He's looking at who with what now?

"Because your fresh smiling face floods the fountain in my heart…" Gakupo finished, anime roses romantically bordering his bishie face.

Damn bishie face.

"Gakupo-kun…" the girls swooned.

"You two did wear the same kimonos after all!" Neru said cheerily at Rin and Len's table.

"All the kimonos the Host Club is wearing today were designed by our mother," Len chirped, "We're taking orders if you want."

"Our grandmother was the one who put them on for us, though," Rin said with a smile on her face.

"And of course, it's my duty to take them off, right, Rin?" Len asked seductively, his face dangerously close to his sister's.

"Len…" Rin said with tears in her eyes, "Saying that in front of all these other girls makes me embarrassed…"

Haku and Neru squealed and Neru took a few pictures on her cell phone.

"Fooling around again…" I sighed.

"Lulu-chan, Lulu-chan!" Piko ran up to me and hugged me, crying. "I don't know how but I lost one of my slippers!"

"Weren't you wearing it just now?" I asked, trying to remain calm.

"Piko."

Kaito walked up and lifted Piko from my arms and onto the ground. He held up a slipper. "You dropped it on the way in."

"Kaito!" Piko wailed, hugging Kaito now.

I swear, I will never understand those two…

"Luki, you have another customer," Kiyoteru said across from me. "Lately, your customer flow has become awfully steady, hasn't it? Keep it up, and you may pay off your debt plus interest! Of course, the rental fee on that kimono is nothing to sneeze at…"

He's like some tax collector from Hell…

"Kiyoteru-sama!" one of Kiyoteru's customers cooed, "Your kimono look is so wonderful."

"Is the new photo collection for the Host Club coming out soon?"

"I want to see it!"

"Wait, photo collection?" I asked, puzzled.

"Oh," Kiyoteru said, "You see, the moments that we have here in the Host Club are fleeting, and will never happen more than once. In order to fulfill the needs of our fans, I have created photo books of the different hosts," he said, holding up four different books with pictures on them. "We also started doing online auctions, and selling of other Host Club memorabilia. See, look. Your personal photos are very popular."

"My hoo-hah?" I asked, looking at the laptop. Sure enough, profile pictures of me tutoring Miku were selling for quite a bit of Yen.

"When did you take these! Or any photos for that matter?"

"They're only amateur hidden camera shots. But if you have any objections, then you can bear the expenses yourself. From the selling of all this merchandise, the Host Club can afford the costumes and food. And like I said earlier, that kimono you're wearing is worth quite a bit of money."

"Ugh," I moaned.

"I'm currently looking for goods with more of an impact. Sales have been satisfactory though, so I shouldn't be complaining~" he said, walking back over to his customers.

"Luki!" Gakupo called. "If you'd like, I made a photo collection that you can have!" he handed me a few photos. "See, it's the King Edition!"

"Gakupo-senpai, I don't want pictures of you," I said, shoving them back in his face.

It was then that I noticed the girl standing half-hidden by the door. She was wearing the traditional yellow dress, but I couldn't say I recognized her. She had two pink pigtails that curled and looked like drills.

Gakupo saw me staring and directed his eyes to match my gaze. "Ah, looks like we have a new customer?" he said, smiling.

Rin and Len, obviously getting bored, took the chance to entertain themselves.

"What's the matter?" Len asked, appearing beside the girl with a seductive look. "Come on in," he offered her a rose.

"Yes, just watching is boring," added Rin, her hair tied in a ponytail so that she looked exactly like Len.

"Come now~" they both cooed.

"Umm…" the girl muttered.

"Now, you two, I've always told you to be courteous to our first time customers!" Gakupo scolded. He turned around and gave the girl a classic Gakupo-King-Bishounen-Rose-Sparkle Attack. "Now, don't be afraid, Princess…" he reached out to touch her hand.

"Welcome to the Vocaloid Host—"

"NO! Don't touch me, you fake!" the girl yelled, punching Gakupo into the wall.

We all just stared at her. Nobody besides me had ever directly criticized Gakupo's method of picking up girls.

"Me… a fake?" Gakupo asked, holding his face where the girl had punched him.

"Yes, a fake!" she pointed at the boy in question, "I refuse to believe that someone as incompetent as you is the prince character of this host club!"

Gakupo backed up, intimidated, as the girl continued passionately.

"A prince character does not spread his love around so easily! Why do you look like an idiot?"

One.

"You're nothing but a stupid narcissist!"

Two.

"You're incompetent!"

Three.

"You're disgusting!"

Four.

"The worst!"

By the end, Gakupo was trembling on the floor in shock.

"She's got you there, Tono," Rin and Len snickered.

"Could you be…" Kiyoteru started vaguely.

The girl took on a whole new look when she saw Kiyoteru. "Kiyoteru-sama!" she called, running over Gakupo and into his arms. "I've wanted to see you so much! My one and only prince charming~" she sighed.

"Your hoo-hah?" Len, Rin and I asked in sync.

* * *

><p><strong>Tadashi ikemen gentei... (I'll give you a strawberry white-chocolate muffin if you can guess what song this is from! Hint: It's the last line.)<strong>

* * *

><p>"Kiyoteru-senpai's fiancée?" Rin and Len repeated.<p>

"Indeed. My name is Teto Kasane. I'll be transferring into Class 1-A starting tomorrow," Teto responded cheerfully.

"Hey, why's the King huddled in the corner?" Len asked.

"Because Mommy cheated on Daddy~" Rin replied.

"I'm not sure I feel comfortable having a husband and three kids as a sixteen-year-old high school student," Kiyoteru said.

"It was love at first sight for me!" Teto continued. "The way he admired those flowers when he thought nobody was looking..."

"What?" Len asked.

"…And when he took in that kitten that had been abandoned in the rain…"

"What?" Rin asked.

"He's a person that is always considerate to others and never asks for anything in return…"

"What?" Kaito asked.

"…He likes solitude, but in fact sometimes he gets lonely!"

"NO no no no no no no no," the whole Host Club said in unison. (With the exception of Kiyoteru.)

"Maybe, you have the wrong person?" I suggested.

"No! My eyes are never wrong!" Teto argued. "He's the heart throb from the dating sim game Ukidoki Memorial! He looks exactly like Miyabi Ichijo-kun!"

Everybody froze where they were.

"Uki?" I asked.

"Doki?" Piko asked.

"Otaku!" Gakupo yelled.

"She's an otaku!" Len shouted.

Kaito remained silent.

"This is the first time I've ever seen one!" Rin shouted.

"I get it now," Kiyoteru said. "You're in love with the character. You're projecting that love onto me, and it's twisted itself into this situation."

"So, she made it up. You're not really her fiancé?" Gakupo asked, peeking at him from behind the couch.

"Well no, I don't recall ever asking for her hand in marriage," Kiyoteru said bluntly. "This is the first time I've even met the girl."

You could've said so earlier…

"So I hear you're in charge of managing the Host Club, Kiyoteru-sama~" Teto said, sitting on the couch.

"That's right, Kiyo-chan is our director!" Piko said gleefully.

"You're the club's director? That's perfect! I've always wanted to be the face of a business~"

"We're just a host club," Len and Rin said flatly.

"I've made up my mind!" Teto said, ignoring them. From this day forth, I'm the manager of this Host Club!"

"No way," Rin and Len intervened.

"Why not?" Teto asked, her cheeks puffing out in frustration.

"We have an important event on Friday, and we can't afford you butting in."

"Then I'll help! Kiyoteru-sama!"

"Um, listen, Kiyoteru…" Gakupo said, a worried look on his face.

Kiyoteru smiled, "Kasane-san is the daughter of an important Hiyama family client. So please be polite and try not to offend her, alright?"

Gakupo ducked his head down on the head of the couch.

"Well, boys, I can't wait to work with you!" Teto said with a huge smile.

* * *

><p><strong>Aaaww, shit just got real. X3<strong>

**Sorry to people who wanted Teto to be Kirimi, but I thought that she'd make a really good Renge… so I think Nekozawa is gonna be either Yuuma or Leon.**

**QOTC: Stella Hoshine as Luka's mom? TELL ME. Oh, and if not her, then who? It's times like these when you realize your sufficient lack of Vocaloids and UTAUs.**

**If you press the button, there will be cake.**

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	5. It's Teto's Turn Forever! Part II

**Hi hi~**

**New chapter yay! Sorry for the wait…**

**I feel bad about not updating Playing Cupids or Ah, It's a Wonderful Cat Life in a while, but… no but, I feel awful! I'll get on it soon, I promise!**

**If I don't you PM me to get my ass off of YouTube and onto Word!**

**I command you!**

**DISCLAIMER: Honestly, if you think that I own OHSHC, UTAU or VOCALOID, then you obviously don't understand the term "Fan Fiction".**

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><p><strong>Luka POV<strong>

"I thought about it a lot last night, and it might actually be a good idea to have Teto-chan join the Host Club as manager!" Gakupo said as we were resetting up for the Thursday business session.

"And why is that?" Len and Rin asked.

"I would think it fairly obvious," Gakupo answered, "Teto is transferring into Class A, with Luka! If Luka can make female friends, then she may become more girly herself!"

"Oh, just great," I mumbled.

"This is a tremendous step in having Luka become more aware of what it is to be a fair maiden!" Gakupo finished passionately. "And it won't help at all when her only classmate friends are these unscrupulous twins," he added, glaring at said twins.

"Oh, someone's nice," They both said sarcastically.

The door creaked behind us and Teto walked in. "Hi, everybody!" she chirped, "Teto-chan, the Host Club Mascot Girl, has baked some cookies for you!"

I thought she was the manager? Mascot Girl?

"Oh! That's so ladylike!" Gakupo suddenly appeared beside her as she shot him a glare. "I am so touched, Te—"

"They're for Kiyoteru-sama, not you, Fake Prince," she sneered.

Gakupo proceeded to brood in the Emo Corner.

"I'm afraid they're a bit burnt…" Teto said, referring to her scorched cookies," But I know what you'll say, Kiyoteru-sama… 'Anything you've made has got to be delicious', right?"

Piko helped himself to a cookie and started nibbling on it. "This is a bit burnt," he commented.

"Piko, don't eat that," Kaito said quickly, "It's bad for you." Kaito quickly snatched the cookie away.

Teto shot the both of them a death glare, her twin-tails spinning in place like drills. "You take that back, you!" she roared, chasing them.

"Waaaah, Teto-chan's scary!" Piko cried.

I looked at the cookies in my hand and picked the one with the least amount of charred bits. I popped it into my mouth and commented, "It's actually not that bad. No better than anything you'd find in a store, but still…"

Rin and Len popped up next to me, smirks on their faces. Rin had spontaneously changed into the guy's uniform, and had pulled her hair into a ponytail, making it very hard to distinguish the two. "Really?" Rin asked smugly. "Can I try a bit?" she broke off a piece of cookie directly from my mouth.

Before I could react, Len walked over to my left side. "Oh, Luka," he said, "You have crumbs on your cheek." He licked my cheek.

What the hell?

Gakupo rushed out of the Emo Corner, screaming bloody murder at the grinning Kagamine Twins.

"And suddenly, the freshman trio is closer than ever before," Kiyoteru said.

"Ya know," I protested, feeling the spot where Len had licked me, "I can take it off myself if you tell me it's there." I turned to Rin, "And if you want one, Rin, you can pick one from the bag."

Gakupo looked utterly shocked as he grabbed my face. "Y-Y-Your reaction is all wrong, Luka! This is the part where the heroine should reject the Yuri coolly and move on, not let it pass by!"

"Senpai, this could be considered sexual harassment," I said flatly, annoyed.

"Sexual harassment?" he echoed. "If this is sexual harassment, then what do you call what Rin was doing?"

"Mediocre," I heard Teto mumble from a table.

"Pardon?" I asked.

"Every single one of you is mediocre!" she roared.

Gakupo turned around from his rant at the twins and everyone's attention was directed at the new manager/ mascot girl.

"Other than Kiyoteru-sama, your characters are all not good enough! All of your characters are lacking a darker side! That's what the ladies really fall for, you know?" Teto continued passionately. "With these ridiculous acts you put on, it's only a matter of time before the girls get bored of you and leave for good! Do you all intend on destroying my Kiyoteru-sama's business? As the manager, I shall set anew your characters from now on!"

You should have seen the twins' and Gakupo's faces. Sorry, but really.

"First, starting with you!" Teto pointed at Piko, who whimpered, clinging tighter to Kaito. "If you're cute and innocent inside and outside, you're no different than a baby! So from now on, you're Piko Utatane, the Ultra-Kawaii Thug!"

Piko wailed in fear.

"And Kaito-senpai, you can be his childhood friend, the Flunky," Teto added.

"The twins are now both boys!" she continued.

"Oy!" Rin protested.

"They're basketball players that close themselves off in their own little world! All they have is their mad twincest-yaoi love to support themselves!

"Luki-kun is the bullied nerd!"

Oh, don't I feel special.

"And Gakupo-san," she continued, focusing her intense gaze onto Gakupo.

"Y-Yes?" Gakupo asked nervously.

"Although everyone loves you for your looks as an idol, you have a serious inferiority complex. Gakupo Kamui, the Lonely Prince!"

Gakupo stumbled back in shock, teetering around the room for a bit.

"Ah, and Kiyoteru-sama, you're perfect, so please stay the affectionate and caring person that you are, okay?" Teto requested cutely.

"Hoo-hah?" Rin and Len called out, keeping the joke going, even interchapterly.

Suddenly the rest of the room went dark and a spotlight focused on Gakupo.

"The Lonely Prince…" he said dramatically. "It fits me perfectly!" he declared.

"That's probably the most contradictory character Teto assigned," I sighed.

The twins pulled Kiyoteru over to the side.

"Hey, Kiyoteru-senpai…" Len started.

"Please do something about this?" Rin pleaded.

"Well, the boss seems to be up for it," Kiyoteru said, pointing at Gakupo.

"Teto-kun," the Purple Idiot said dramatically, "Is a lonely pose something like this?"

Teto ran over. "My, that's beautiful, Tamaki-san! But you know, what? It would be even better in the rain!"

"Yes!" Gakupo cheered. "We need rain!"

Rin, Len and I sweatdropped.

"Well, we should give it a shot," Kiyoteru said nonchalantly. "I'm sure it'll turn out to be interesting."

I swear to god, he had an evil glint in his eye.

* * *

><p><strong>Machiawase wa Nijikan mae de Kokori hitomi Sore ga kota e desho (this is the only song I can list lyrics for without looking them up! This and Mozaik Role)<strong>

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><p><strong>Um… I guess it's Teto's POV? It's the narrator of this twisted scene, how bout that?<strong>

The fan girls went wild as Len dashed across the court, dribbling like a boss **(couldn****'****t ****resist)** under the heated lights of the gym, and shooting a slam-dunk, putting the team back in the lead. He smiled coolly and wiped the sweat off of his brow, when he looked over to see his **brother**, Rinta, on the ground, clutching **his** knee.

"Rinta!" he called out, his voice filled with worry for his **brother**.

"Kagamine's hurt!"

"Quick, get him to the hospital!"

"Rinta! Rinta!" Len shouted again, tears threatening to fall.

"Len, you can't! You have to get back in the game!" the coach ordered him.

"Shut up!" Len slapped back his hand. "Rinta!"

"Len…" his **brother** said softly, "Len, you need to calm down. You don't need to worry about my pain." Rinta put a hand on **his** brother's cheek. "Right now, you're not the one injured."

"I can't!" Len yelled, tears falling and grasping for his **brother****'****s** hand. "It hurts! It hurts, Rinta!"

_Your pain is my pain. Even if no one else in this world understands, we'll still have each other. As long as we have one another, we can live on._

The scene changes to a rainy afternoon in the courtyard. A shadow approaches the Kagamine Twins. "I'm so envious of you two," said Gakupo Kamui.

"Eh?" the twins asked.

"You two can support each other like that. There's someone there for you, always," Gakupo further elaborated.

"Kamui-senpai…" Len said.

"But you're the academy's idol, Kamui-senpai," Rinta added.

"Idol, huh?" Gakupo mumbled. He flipped his sopping wet hair out of his face and looked to the twins, his cobalt blue eyes boring into their very hearts. "If everyone can only know me by a superficial title such as 'idol', then I am better off being alone."

_The grieving hearts cross each other… They pass each other… They wound each other. What are the hearts of these young (handsome) men?_

Luki Megurine ran in terror through the wet forest, looking for a place to hide from his persecutor. His foot hit a tree root and he tumbled down into a puddle, stopping at a dead end at a large oak.

"You can't run anymore," a menacing voice said.

Luki swiveled around in horror, large, sky blue eyes meeting seafoam and powder blue.

"You should remember well what happens when you defy me," said Piko Utatane, the school's bad-ass heart throb.

"Stop this, Piko," his friend, Kaito Shion, said. "Every time you hurt others like this, you're only hurting yourself."

"Don't tell me what to do, Kaito. You want to be punished again?"

_What kind of resolution will be waiting for them? Will it be the light of salvation… or…_

Piko looked up smugly and wiped rain drops from his sexy little face. "Ya know, I really despise people who don't know their place." His smirk slowly melted away and…

"Waaaaah! I'm sorry, Lulu-chan, I would never hurt you like that!" Piko flew into the boy's arms, sobbing.

"Cut!"

**Luka POV**

"Cut, cut, cut!" Teto shouted through the megaphone, her drill-tails spinning threateningly. "You, follow the script already!" she yelled at Piko, who was currently sitting in my lap.

"But…" Piko sobbed.

"Hmph," Teto scoffed, turning to the camera crew. "Stop the cameras for now! We'll resume this scene later!"

"Yes, Boss!" the cameraman obeyed.

"Make the rain seem more realistic!" she roared again.

"How did changing our characters end up with us shooting a movie?" Len asked, pulling out Rin's ponytail as she wrung it out.

"But what an exaggerated filming crew," I added, wiping my hair with a towel.

"Kasane-san promptly booked that crew from Hollywood," Kiyoteru said. "Haven't you seen the director before? He did 'Early Evening, the vampire movie that was number one at the box office last year.

Damn these rich bastards!

"Luka!" I looked over my shoulder and saw Gakupo running up to me. I handed him a towel. "How was my acting?" he asked.

"It was amazing," I admitted. "I don't get how you can be so into this whole thing."

Gakupo began drying his hair. "I'm discovering a whole new side of me. It might not be such a bad idea to continue down this path."

"Really?" I asked skeptically. "I think you're fine just the way you are, Senpai."

"Y-You think so?" Gakupo stuttered, a blush forming. I nodded. "I-I see…"

Seriously though, if this guy had a dark side, he'd be even more problematic than he already is.

"Luki-kun! Can you come over here?" Teto called.

"Coming!" I answered, walking over to her position. "What's going on?"

"These two boys are going to make a guest appearance in the movie as the filler villains!" Teto said cheerfully, gesturing to the thugs next to her.

"Filler villains?" they both echoed.

"Of course, every story needs a filler villain. I'm not sure who we'll use for the real villain, but this is best I got right now. Anyway," she continued, taking a dynamic pose. "The Vocaloid High School Host Club will meet and team up against these two; who are sons of the Yakuza! It'll be a real climactic moment!"

"What do you think you're goin' on about?" one punk asked.

"Yeah, what my dad does has nothing to do with me!" the other protested.

"Wait, Teto-chan," I intervened, sensing that these guys were getting pissed.

"Now, come over here~" Teto gushed, pulling Thug 1 by the arm.

"Saying whatever you want, I'll show you!" Thug 1 pulled out of her grip, and swung his arm to hit her.

Teto flew through the air, about to hit the wall of the building.

"Watch out!" I called, placing myself between Teto and the school.

Yeah. It hurt. Not that much, but still.

Oh, shoot, my contact fell out, this is why I liked glasses…

Ugh, eyelash…

"Luka, is everything alright?" Gakupo walked around, and stopped when he saw me, tearing up from my contact lense.

Gakupo rushed at Thug 2, pushing him up against the wall. His eyes narrowed, he was unrecognizable (to a certain extent) to me. "Which one of you did this?" he asked threateningly.

"W-Wait, Kamui, it wasn't us, the Psycho-Drill Girl picked a fight!" Thug 1 defended.

"Don't you—"

"No, they're right, Gakupo-senpai," I said, standing up and wiping a few tears.

Gakupo immediately let go of Thug 2 and rushed to my side. He cupped my cheek and looked into my eyes. I fought the blush. "Luka… does it hurt?" he asked.

"Y-Yeah…" I answered. "I hate it when my contact lens falls out," I held out the contact.

"…Your contact?" Gakupo echoed.

"Yeah, it got unsettled during the hubbub," I answered with a smile.

Gakupo started snickering a little, which gradually turned into a laugh.

He was laughing a lot.

I didn't know if I should be offended or not.

"Cameraman! Did you get that footage!" Teto yelled at the employee.

"Yes, boss!" he answered with a thumbs-up.

"Except for the contact lens, that was the ideal final scene! Now all we need is for Kiyoteru-sama to do some Moe commentary and—"

~CRASH~

I turned to see Kiyoteru holding a rock to a shattered camera.

"No! My camera!" the cameraman wailed.

"K-Kiyoteru-sama?" Teto asked timidly. "Why did you—"

Kiyoteru dropped the rock. "My apologies, but there cannot be any record of our club members engaging in violence. I think you've caused enough trouble around here, Teto-san. Please stop being such a pest."

"_That__'__s_ our Kiyoteru-senpai!" Rin and Len shouted, big grins on their faces.

"A pest…?" Teto repeated, tears running down her face. "But… But you're supposed to tell me not to worry! You're supposed to pat me on the head and tell me everything's gonna be okay! Why are you so different now, Kiyoteru?"

Gakupo placed a hand on Teto's shoulder. "Because that's not the real Kiyoteru."

Teto turned around in shock before realizing what he meant. Her eyes widened and she sat down in a huddle, sobbing.

"Does it really matter?" I asked, trying to comfort her. "Who cares if Kiyoteru-senpai was a little different than you expected him to be. Take a good look at the person inside and get to know him little by little. That's what makes it fun, right?" I finished with a smile.

Teto looked up from the ground, nodded, and wiped her tears.

* * *

><p><strong>Ah mawatte mawatte mawatte uku noda a iki ga iki ga domaru no (keep in mind these might be wrong. Aw, hell, the song is Karakuri Pierrot. Listen to it. 40mP is awesome.)<strong>

* * *

><p>"Luki-kun! I bought the movie today!" Miku chirped.<p>

"I bought it too!" SeeU Dahi, a Gakupo fan, added.

"And so did I!" Lily squealed.

Everyone blinked, processing the information. "You did?" asked Gakupo.

"That scene in the rain was just phenomenal!" Miku cooed.

"I found the Lonely Prince refreshing," Gumi added from my table.

"And the loving relationship between Len and Rin(ta) was too sweet!" Neru squealed.

"I wanna see Piko-chu as a thug again~" gushed Lapis Aoki, a Piko fan (duh).

"I couldn't get enough of Luki's pitiful expressions, though!" Lily commented.

"Kiyoteru…" Gakupo said expectantly.

"I may have broken the camera lens, but the footage remained intact. Edit out the violence scene, and this movie has definitely made the impact I said I was looking for in the last chapter."

He pushed up his glasses and smiled (evilly?), "I did say this would be interesting, didn't I?"

* * *

><p><strong>Before you all comment, yes, Aoki Lapis is the Japanese order, the western order of her name is Lapis Aoki. Her first name is Lapis. Look it up on the Vocaloid Wiki, I don't like it any more than you do.<strong>

**Seriously, it would be better the other way around, but I like to be correct.**

* * *

><p><strong>OH MAH GAWD THE BALL'S TOMORROW YOU GUYS!<strong>

**TAKE MY POLL ON WHO WOULD MAKE THE BEST SASSY GAY FRIEND OUT OF ALL THE VOCALOIDS! Sadly, Gakupo and Piko-chu are winning, and Kaito has no votes. He has the scarf down, guys, come on!**

**Anyway, QoTC:**

**Who would make the best Tohru Suzushima, aka, Gumi's love interest? Your choices are: VY2 Yuuma, Big Al, Tonio, Oliver, Bruno (oh dear GOD no), and any male UTAU or genderbend you can think of (for example, Spark or Gumo/ Gumiya).**

❀❀**  
><strong>**Thanks, guys! I got a debit card, and I'm gonna abuse the hell out of it! **❁ ✿**Maple Puddin'**✿ ❁


	6. The End of the Known Story ¡look it up!

**Hi hi~**

**New chapter! We're finally going to be covering the Ball, episode 2 in the anime. I really wanted to give Gumi more screen time before she disappeared forever… I'll try to work her in more, though, I love Gumi!**

**The winner for Tohru is… Nigaito! He and Gumi will be love interests in this chapter!**

**I still need to use these characters: Lui Hibiki, Lola, Big Al, Miriam, Sonika, Sweet Ann, VY1 Mizki, Mew, Luna, CUL, Bruno, Clara, Yukari, IA… anyone I'm missing? No? Anyway, if you can think of any characters (FROM THE MANGA, PLEASE.) that have not been covered yet, please help me assign roles!**

**PM me, and we can work this out together! Ahahahahahahahaha!**

* * *

><p><strong>Luka POV<strong>

After surviving the Teto episode, she had finally gone back to France once realizing that Kiyoteru was the heartless tax-collecting schemer from Hell.

And now it's Friday. Except, since Vocaloid High was a _private_ institute, I now go to school on Saturdays as well.

Not that I mind, though. I want to be a lawyer, and I'm going to have to go through bigger challenges than an extra say of school a week.

I sighed and walked into Music Room 3 for the first club session of the day.

"Luka!" Gakupo yelled as he ran to glomp me. "How is my precious daughter today?"

"Just fine, thanks," I said flatly as I sidestepped his embrace.

He promptly went to sulk in his emo corner.

"So, Luka," Rin grabbed my shoulder.

"You excited for the Ball tonight?" Len asked, jogging his eyebrows.

I sweatdropped noticeably out of nervousness and didn't notice the door open again behind me.

"Th-The Ball? I-I don't really have to go to that, do I? I-I'm only doing this to pay off my debt, do I have to attend all the events—"

"But Lulu-chan, we ordered for there to be ootoro there just for you," Piko pleaded, using his shota-ness to his advantage.

"Th-That's very thoughtful, Piko-senpai, but… but, but I don't know how to dance!" I exclaimed, happy at my excuse. "I don't know the male (or female) part for any ballroom dances."

"Luki, we need you to attend the dance to help promote the Host Club. Many of our customers wouldn't show up if they knew you weren't coming. Besides, it's _you_ that owes _us_," Kiyoteru said with a glint in his eye.

Gakupo twitched silently from his corner of dejection and shot up instantly, a passionate look on his face.

"A quick recovery this time!" Rin and Len chorused.

"It's been decided! Luka, you have to attend the Ball as part of your Host Club duties! We will see to it that you will be taught how to dance by tonight…"

"Perhaps I may be of assistance, then?" a soft voice said from behind us.

I turned around and my eyes widened. "Gumi-san!" I cried, walking over to her while smiling. "I'm surprised to see you here so early in the period…"

"Well, yes, but I couldn't help, Luki-kun, overhearing your conversation just now."

"Eh?" I questioned.

"If you're in need of a dance teacher, I can provide lessons," she clarified, a satisfied smile on her face. "I'll be at the ball myself, after all."

"Th-That won't be necessary, Nakajima-hime," Gakupo stuttered frantically, waving his arms. "Luka… I mean Luki is going to be taught how to dance by me—"

"You sure that's a good idea?" Len and Rin asked rhetorically.

"You're way too tall to play the female role," Len said.

"Gumi-chan has the experience, talent, _and_ she's volunteered," Rin added.

"We certainly would be able to avoid spending money on professional lessons…" Kiyoteru commented, scribbling on his folder.

"B-But…" Gakupo stammered again.

"Then it's decided!" Gumi exclaimed excitedly. "I'll be here at lunch to start teaching! Looking forward to spending more time with you, Luki-kun~"

"Uh, yeah…" I said with my best forced smile.

(Which was pretty darn good, mind you.)

"Well, see you then!" Gumi dismissed me with a wave, and walked out the door coolly, her green hair and glasses-headband shining from the sun in the windows.

Awkward silence.

"I CAN'T ACCEPT THIS!" Gakupo burst. "NOT ONLY IS MY LITTLE LUKA GOING TO BE DANCING WITH ANOTHER GIRL, THE OTHER GIRL IS NAKAJIMA! THAT I CANNOT ACCEPT!"

"Oh yeah, she was your customer before, wasn't she Gakupo-senpai?" I said thoughtlessly.

Apparently that struck a nerve because it put Gakupo back in the emo corner.

"I don't see what's such a big deal about it," I said, "I mean, you're still supposedly the most popular host, right, Senpai?"

"Supposedly!" Gakupo yelled in shock.

"Yes, but Nakajima-san has had the illness for a while now," Kiyoteru commented, typing on his laptop now.

"Illness?" I asked.

"The 'Host-Hopping Disease'," Rin and Len clarified.

"See, most girls will pick one host and stick with them," Len said.

"And a miniscule percentage switch to a new favorite once or twice, like how Miku-chan switched from us to you," Rin added.

"But Nakajima-chan tends to change her 'favorite' about every month or so," Len finished.

"Except," Rin interrupted, "her time with Tono was extremely short-lived."

"She only designated him for a week," Len agreed.

"Is there anything wrong with that? It's her choice, after all," I asked skeptically.

"It's hurt Gakupo-senpai's pride tremendously," the two chorused.

* * *

><p><strong>Aishitatte i ja nai ka Shibari daremo furenai yo Koremo unmei ja nai ka Kieru kieru toaru aise<strong>

* * *

><p>"That's good, Luki-kun… one, two, three, two, two three… Don't get ahead of the count now," Gumi said kindly, guiding me through the dance steps.<p>

"Ah, sorry," I apologized awkwardly.

"It's fine, you're doing remarkable for your first time ballroom dancing," Gumi smiled.

In my confusion, I tripped over my own two feet and ended up directly on top of Gumi.

In, what I didn't know back then, was a very suggestive position to be in.

"Ah, I'm sorry Gumi-san!" I cried, moving to get off of her.

Gumi giggled, pulling my head closer, "It's fine."

"That's indecent! Look at what the Host Hopper is doing to my Luki!" Gakupo burst from the background. Rin and Len tried to restrain him, but he was determined.

"Why don't you two take a break now?" Kiyoteru suggested.

I stood up and offered a hand up to Gumi. "I think that sounds nice."

Gumi nodded.

"Would you care for some tea, Gumi-san?" I asked kindly.

"Ah, yes… Oh, Kiyoteru-san," Gumi said.

"Hm?"

"The Host Club bought new teacups, didn't they? These are Ginori."

"You have the eyes of an expert," Kiyoteru complimented. "Our club is putting in effort to upgrade our tea set collection this year."

"I see," Gumi said quietly, smiling. "It's a very beautiful shade of green. I like it."

I saw Gakupo's eyes widen from the emo corner as he stared at Gumi.

"You like tableware then, Gumi-chan?" I asked, hoping to start conversation.

"N-N-Not especially, no!" Gumi stuttered, giggling awkwardly afterwards.

So she does like them, then. But why would she hide it?

The door opened behind us. "Hello?" a quiet voice said, "I've brought the teacups you ordered…"

"Nigaito," Kiyoteru greeted, "The sets you've brought us have been very popular. Thank you."

"Oh, it's fine," Nigaito replied.

"Are you related to Kaito-senpai somehow?" I asked.

Kaito nodded.

"Eh, h-how could you tell?" Nigaito asked nervously.

"You're wearing the scarf," I pointed.

"Kaito-senpai has a whole bunch of siblings and extended family members," Rin sighed.

"They're all over the place, but they all wear the scarf, so it's easy to tell them apart," Len added. "Nigaito's a cousin."

"They look like they could be twins," I said.

A forced laugh was heard from the table as Gumi tried calling attention to herself. "Oh, Luki-kun, I can see why you would think that. After all, Nigaito-san doesn't look like he's the heir to a first-class company," she said with a slight sneer in her voice.

"Uh…" I said awkwardly, now suddenly aware of the tension in the room.

"Nigaito's immediate family mainly deals with the import and export of tableware from Shion Corp., and right now, their share of the market is number one in the country," Kiyoteru explained. "So, I asked him to bring us some whenever a shipment came in."

"Wow," I said, impressed. I glanced at Gumi and Nigaito and noticed how horribly they hid the way they looked at each other. Was gonna have to ask about that later…

"But you have a very good eye," Kiyoteru turned the conversation to Nigaito, "As I stated before, the girls really love what you pick."

I tapped Nigaito on the shoulder to get his attention away from Gumi. He blushed a bit and fiddled with his scarf. "I-It's nothing, really."

Rin and Len butted in the conversation. "We hear you're studying abroad in England next month!" they said loudly.

I raised an eyebrow. What was their problem now?

"Yes," Nigaito answered quietly. "Well, I'll be off then…"

I watched him leave with a puzzled look on my face. I'm way too dense for my own good.

I took the box of cups from Kiyoteru and turned to my table. I put it down and sat with Gumi. "Are you close to that person just now?" I asked innocently.

Gumi panicked, spitting out her tea and almost jumping out of her chair. "N-N-No, we're not close at all! What would make you think that, Luki-kun?" she giggled again. She was a horrible liar. "I'll excuse myself for today. Take care!"

I tried to figure her out as I watched her scuttle out the door. She was like an open book, yet so hard to figure out.

"Lulu-chan~" Piko glomped me, resulting in a potential heart attack from yours truly. "Did you know? Nigaito-kun is Megu-chan's fiancée!"

"Fiancée?" I echoed.

"Kiyoteru," Gakupo asked, "How long have you known?"

Kiyoteru looked over his shoulder. "What, about the fiancée business? Well, of course I do extensive research on all of our customers." He pulled out his black folder and flipped through it. "Those two are childhood friends, and the engagement was decided upon by their parents. This information does not pose any use to me, so I ignored it."

"You…" Gakupo started.

"Nigaito Shion," Kiyoteru recited. "Grades are impressive, family prestige is mediocre, looks are average, and no positive aspect has been shown to stand out clearly. But if you had to pick a bad aspect…"

"He doesn't leave a strong impression," Len volunteered.

"He's weak," Rin added.

"In other words, he's boring. End of report," Kiyoteru finished, and closed the folder promptly.

Man, they're harsh on guys…

"But Nigaito-kun's a nice person, right?" Piko asked from Kaito's shoulders.

"Yeah," Kaito agreed flatly.

"Well then…" Gakupo said, walking forward. "Let's write out a plan."

"For what?" we all asked skeptically.

Gakupo's hair dispersed bishounen sparkles. "Our Host Club exists to bring happiness to females!"

So, what does that mean, then?

* * *

><p><strong>Nigaito reminds me an awful lot of Fluttershy… then again, so does Gumi in Playing Cupids…<strong>

* * *

><p>"Thank you all for gathering here tonight," Gakupo announced seductively. "Welcome to the Vocaloid High School Host Club Ball."<p>

With a clap of the hands, the chandeliers above lit up the room, and the ooh's and aah's could be heard all around. The orchestra (ikr) started playing and the Host Club bowed in unison. The girls giggled excitedly and applauded.

"We wish you to enjoy this dance with all of our Host Club members," Kiyoteru said with a smile. "Also, to the best dancer tonight, to the awarded 'Queen' title, goes a kiss…on the cheek from the Prince, Gakupo-san."

Gakupo sent out a wink that put the fangirls in a frenzy.

I died inside. Bite my ass, fan girls. I can't believe they were so giddy about something like this! What's wrong with these damn rich people!

"Luka, you don't look to enthusiastic," Len and Rin observed.

"Gee, how could you tell."

Throughout the early part of the evening, I was pretty bored. All I did was try the food (unfortunately, no ootoro) and watch the other hosts dance. And chit-chat with a few girls. But most of them didn't have the courage to come up and ask me for a dance, and I sure as heck felt uncomfortable doing it myself, I mean, I don't want to be here!

I was leaning against a pillar (freaking PILLAR!) and I saw Gumi walk up and hold out her hand. "My I have your first dance of the evening, Luki-kun?" she asked with a smile.

"Yes, of course!" I replied, leading her out to the floor.

"Hey, Megu-chan's come out!" I heard Piko whisper.

"Then we'll put our plan into action," Kiyoteru replied.

Before I knew it, the powerful force that was Kaito-senpai had picked me up and run me to the dressing room at lightning speed.

Poor Gumi was probably sitting back there wondering if she should call 911 for kidnapping.

"Here she comes," Rin and Len sang as I was carried in.

"You didn't have to be that forceful—"

"Who cares, just change into this," Len threw a package into my hands. I opened my mouth to protest, but Piko pushed me into the curtain with a giggle before I could say anything.

I sighed and unwrapped the package.

"Listen, Luka," Kiyoteru ordered from the other side, "You have approximately twenty minutes until the climax of the party. Nigaito should be waiting in the classroom. We need to make sure you keep him there."

I stepped out of the dressing room just for Piko to push me into a makeup chair. "Make sure you get his real feelings out, okay?"

"We're still iffy about it since this is Tono's strategy plan," Len and Rin explained hastily while putting on makeup.

"Hey, how can you all stay back here for so long!" Gakupo burst in. "Who'll take care of our guests!"

I stood up from the chair and turned around. Gakupo stopped dead in his tracks and stared. I gave him a nervous smile, unsure of what to do when someone was staring at you.

The dress I wore was black, with a white sash around the middle and a bow on one sleeve. I had black heels and a headband with butterflies placed on one side. I wore a long pink wig, so I looked like my middle school self.

"Lulu-chan, you look so cute!" Piko squealed.

"What do you think, Tono?" Rin and Len nudged Gakupo, who was still gaping.

I toddled forward on the heels. "My face feels heavy with all this makeup. I can't walk in these shoes," I complained as I tripped over myself.

"Go give it your best shot and don't screw up!" the Twins chorused.

I mentally stuck my tongue out at them.

* * *

><p><strong>This chapter is dedicated to ~checks name~ Creek-Hitatchiin for telling me to get my ass off of Youtube (which is actually where my ass was at that moment. Look up the song AHS Crazy Rolling Dance. It's epic, because it has Kiyoteru, Yuki, Miki, and Iroha all in one epic song.)<strong>

* * *

><p>I hesitantly opened the door to the classroom. I closed it behind me and saw Nigaito already standing there. "You're the one who wrote this letter? You're a lot different than I imagined."<p>

"Letter?" I repeated. He offered the slip of paper to me and I read.

_To be read in an annoying-fan-girl-weeaboo-moe voice_

"_Love love! Ever since I first saw you, my heart has been going super doki-doki love love! Tee hee! As if there were cyclones and never changing typhoons, the winds of love call to my heart! I want to meet up with you in a forbidden place, noda~ Noda noda noda!"_

I gripped the letter in anger. Who the HELL wrote _this_ crap!

(Collaborative efforts of Kiyoteru, Rin and Len)

"Um, have I seen you before?" Nigatio asked.

"Uh, no!" I yelled. "This is my first time talking to you! Ahaha, ahehe, eh…"

"I'm sorry."

"Eh?"

"Even though you gave me this letter, I won't be able to accept your feelings," he explained. "There's…already someone who I love, even if she doesn't love me back.

"I think a brighter, more confident person would suit her better. So I'm going to change; become a better man. It's why I'm going to England to study abroad for a year…"

I noticed his earnestness, and I knew that he was trying his best, but I needed to be blunt with him.

"That's selfish."

"Eh?"

"Asking her to understand why you're going without even telling her is totally unreasonable. You don't even need to go away in the first place. If you have such strong feelings for her, why find a reason to delay it? From the moment you want to change, you've changed already."

Nigaito gaped at me with a puzzled look on his face. Then he smiled, and was about to say something…

When Gumi walked in.

And Gakupo was standing there with a stupid grin on his face in the background.

Oh snap.

"O-Oh, I'm sorry," Gumi stuttered nervously, fiddling with her goggles, "I seem to have interrupted something."

"Wait, Gumi—"

"I'll just leave you two alone then…" Gumi ran out in tears.

"Gumi!" Nigaito pushed me out of the way and ran after her.

I walked out of the room and stood next to Gakupo. "Oy," I said, "Aren't you just making things worse for them?"

"And are you that dense?" he responded. "He ran after her."

My eyes widened as I realized what he meant. I smiled. They would make up now, I guess. "Our Host Club exists to bring girls happiness, right?" I joked.

"Yes, but we don't want to miss the main event. We should get back to the others."

"Kay then."

After changing back into Luki, I stood near the balcony ready to open the doors when Kiyoteru and Gakupo thought the time was right to torture the lucky couple. I glanced out the window. They didn't look so good.

"Now, ladies and gentlemen, the final dance will be led by this beautiful couple under the cherry blossom trees!" Gakupo announced.

Rin and Len turned on the spotlights and grabbed a couple of bananas.

I could see how nervous the two were. Nigaito offered a dance. Gumi hesitantly took it.

And then they were off.

When the song ended, everyone clapped (duh). "I-I like you," I heard Nigaito say. "I always have. Will you let me propose to you again?"

Gumi smiled brightly an hugged him. "Yes! I love you too, Nigaito!"

"Let us bless this clumsy couple!" Gakupo declared.

Rin and Len each grabbed a microphone with one hand.

"Tonight's Dance Queen is…"

"…Megumi Nakajima!"

"And furthermore, the kiss from the King…"

"…Has been switched to none other than Luki Megurine!"

"WHAT?" Gakupo yelled.

"Because a twist ending is always best!" they teased.

"I AM NOT LETTING MY DAUGHTER KISS THE HOST HOPPER!"

"It's only on the cheek, right? It's fine with me," I heard Nigaito say to Gumi. She nodded and walked up to meet me.

"This is going too far!" I protested.

"I'll cut a third of your debt," Kiyoteru persuaded.

"Oh well, it's just the cheek," I mumbled.

I walked down the stairs to where Gumi was, cupping her cheek for the kiss.

"Ne, do you think this might be Lulu-chan's first kiss?" Piko asked excitedly.

"WHAT?" Gakupo yelled.

"HOLD UP ON THAT KISS!" he interjected dramatically as he leaped down the staircase…

…And tripped on a banana peel.

Which in turn, led to me kissing Gumi on the lips.

Not the cheek.

Oopsy-doops.

Gumi gave a nervous look at Nigaito, who just smiled back at her comfortingly. The fan girls had mixed reviews of squealing and crying. Gakupo cried. Rin and Len high-fived.

So even though my first kiss was given up through a weird series of events, the night went relatively well.

* * *

><p><strong>I'm so sorry that took so long! I'm also sorry for the rushed quality! I am SO glad I'm done with this chapter! UTAU Academy is next BOOYAH!<strong>

**Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to put Christmas lights on the construction vehicles outside of my house. (Screw you, PG&E! 2 months of your crap on MY street? Aw, hell naw!)**

**QoTC: Any suggestions for Vocaloids to play certain characters? See the list above.**


	7. Utau Academy! Attack of Ruko and Co

**Hi Hi~**

**Lobelia time!**

**No lyrics today!**

**DISCLAIMER: I used to own Vocaloid and UTAU, but then I took an arrow to the knee. (Skyrim rocks!)**

* * *

><p>"What? Are you sure there's no afternoon classes today?" I asked.<p>

"Yeah," Miku answered, a cannoli on its way to her mouth. "I'm sure. Today AND tomorrow. The school is holding an exposition for the cultural clubs. There'll be a bunch of clubs and programs from other high schools coming. It's a big event we hold annually."

"Oh," I nodded, turning my attention elsewhere.

"What? You've never had any?" I heard Rin and Len yell at a customer.

"It's the preferred drink among the whole Host Club right now," Len said.

"If you call yourself a customer, then you have to drink it," Rin confirmed.

"Uh, um, instant coffee?" Miku asked nervously. "I think I've heard of it before. Um, it's the… Oh! Is it the kind where the beans are already ground?"

"Wrong!" the Twins chorused.

"That's completely different!" Len laughed. "Instant coffee doesn't have the slightest trace of the bean remaining."

"It's this powder, and you just mix it with water, and voilla!" Rin giggled.

"Speaking of which, the Club's stock has run out. Luki, go buy some!" they chorused.

"How does that work?" I complained. "Damn these rich people."

The convenience store wasn't that far away, actually. I was able to walk there and back in a matter of 20 minutes. The money given to me by the Kagamine Twins bought me a lifetime supply of instant coffee.

I had just entered the school gates with my load of coffee and couldn't see very well because of said coffee. I must've tripped on a pebble or something, because I ended up falling and dropping all of my bags. Just as I was about to hit the ground, someone caught me.

"It'd be a shame for any harm to come to that cute face of yours, young lady," said a voice unrecognizable as a man or woman.

My eyes shot open as I realized that this person had known I was a girl, even with my boy uniform on. It was a woman… I think. She had the breasts, definitely. Her uniform was a white shirt and black jacket with a blue tie. And she was wearing… pants? This girl looked like she was wearing a guy's uniform herself.

Except you knew she was a girl, because she had (HUGE) breasts and pigtails with a blue streak.

I had a feeling from seeing her do a Justin Bieber hair flip that something horrific was going to take place today.

* * *

><p><strong>What the Hell! Since she's the original Nyan Cat, Momo POV!<strong>

We walked down the hall dutifully, determined to find our destination. We stopped at the door labeled "Music Room 3".

"This is the place, hm?" I asked.

"Looks like," my friend replied.

We each opened one French door, awaiting what lay behind it.

…A group of six, stupid looking men wearing medieval outfits.

"Welcome!" they all chorused. I refrained from making a face.

My friend didn't.

"Well, well," the Purple Idiot said, "Girls from another school, are you? I certainly hope we haven't startled you too much."

That's an understatement.

"I'm glad you've come, my princesses," he continued, walking towards us. "Ah, even if the world were to be destroyed, I would be the knight that would protect you at all costs, even at the expense of my own life." He finished this horrendous display with a bow.

"My, at the expense of his own life, he says?" I sneered, "Quite arrogant, if I do say so myself. I wonder if that's what he thinks makes a woman happy."

"Well, what can you do, Pinku Nee-chan?" my friend remarked. "Men are lower life forms who prize their own honor above all else. By protecting us, he's actually protecting his image when he clearly can't even protect himself."

"Uta, you're a very clever girl," I smirked.

The Purple Idiot stood up. "Don't you think that's a bit harsh?" We shook our heads. "Fine then, what do women like you want to hear?"

**Gakupo POV for once… Sorry for the inconvenient POV changes.**

"Maybe something like…'I would never leave my lover alone'," a lower voice purred.

I looked up. There was a girl…a guy…I don't know what it was, but it was weird and disgusting and touching my Luka! Holding her, even! It was absolutely horrific!

Unfortunately, I was in too much shock to move at the moment.

The hermaphrodite continued, "If we fight, we'll be together! If we fail, we will fail together! No matter what, I will never leave your side, my love."

And then… It. Kissed. Luka's. Hand.

I froze up and pointed an accusing finger at the monster, shouts of fury only managing to come out in weak whimpers.

"Ruko-sama, we thought you'd never show," the short purple girl said.

"Tell us where you found this lovely young lady," the pink one giggled while playing with her hat.

"Just in the gates outside of the school," the tall one answered. "She may be dressed as a boy, but I knew the truth!"

I gasped. Uh-oh.

And then I gasped again. Because the tall hermaphrodite had started caressing Luka's cheek.

"She has such beautiful maidenly eyes," it cooed.

"Uh, thanks, I guess?" Luka said nervously.

"Oh, wow, her skin is so soft!" the purple girl marveled.

"Isn't it though?" the pink girl sighed, rubbing her _freaking_ cheek against her leg.

"Don't you go touching my Luka without permission!" I yelled, rushing at the tall one.

The hermaphrodite struck me down. "Leave her alone!"

I retreated back into the Club Room. "It punched me! It's so violent!"

"Gakkun, get ahold of yourself!" Piko cheered.

"I guess the rumors were true," the tall one flipped its hair. "Or not. You guys are more feeble than the rumors suggested."

Kiyoteru adjusted his glasses. "Judging by your uniforms, I would say you girls are from Utau Girl's Academy." Seeing our confused faces, he explained, "It's an all-girls' private school, specializing in their arts programs and for having almost as much prestige as Vocaloid."

"That is correct," the tall one smirked.

In the strangest montage my eyes have witnessed, the three threw off their uniforms to reveal… stranger outfits. The tall one wore a shorter shirt and arm-glove things. You could see her…her _thong_ because her pants were too low.

The pink one had changed from her white-and-black uniform to a green maid's outfit.

And the purple one wore…pretty much a typical school uniform.

"Utau~" they sang in rounds.

"President: Third-year student Ruko Yokune," the hermaphrodite announced.

"Utau~"

"Second-year student Momo Momone, AKA Pinku!" the pinkette cheered.

"Utau~"

"First-year student Uta Utane, AKA Defoko!" the shortest one shouted.

("Utane? Utatane?" the Twins asked, and turned to Piko expectantly. Piko shrugged, "They're similar, but I've never met Foko-chan.")

"Utau!"

"We are the head of Utau's famous club known as Vip2ch, or better known as…

"The Zuka Club!" the three chorused, revealing more ridiculous outfits.

Zuka Club.

Host Club.

Zuka Club.

Host Club.

"Z-Zuka… Club…" I whimpered weakly.

"Pfft… AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" The Twins guffawed.

"The Zuka Club? As in short for the Takarazuka Revue, that all-female musical company?" Len cackled. "Ah, that's just too good!"

"Look at those outfits! They had two under their uniforms!" Rin managed to sputter between laughs.

"Do not underestimate the Zuka Club!" a disembodied voice said.

"That voice…" I said nervously.

Sure enough, with a high-pitched cackle, Teto Kasane rose from the ground on a platform.

"T-Teto-chan, I thought you had gone home to Paris," Luka said.

"Ah, well I'd planned to start a host club back there, but I'm afraid the French aren't quite ready for it. Back to what I was saying!" she continued, "Utau Academy, truly a girl's paradise. The Zuka Club is a gathering that considers females to be especially superior. It prides itself on thirty years since its founding as a society by maidens, for maidens. The Zuka Club has activities such as tea ceremony, debate forum, and most importantly the theatrical performances (by top members of course)!"

Kiyoteru had changed back into his uniform off-screen and set the knight costume on the table. "You sure have a vast field of knowledge, Teto-kun."

"But of course!" Teto chirped, "Utau was my second choice. Of course, placing the amount of moe~ and boys into consideration, Vocaloid is definitely where I belong."

"You girls can have her, if you want," I told Momo.

"Enough of that!" Momo retorted, "A maiden's beauty…" she started tearfully, "Is to have a spirit so pure that she does not give in to influence or lust."

Defoko popped up, "We're sick and tired of being treated like the lesser sex!"

Ruko finished, "Our pride comes from having soulful relationships of equality, including ones of love—"

"Yeah, yeah," Rin and Len waved them on, pulling out their DS's.

"Mario Kart!" Piko cheered.

"Eat it, Yoshi!" Rin shouted.

"You hit me with the blue shell, you bastard!" Len wailed. **(A/N: Hate that goddamn blue shell… ultimate troll item)**

"Oh my, does this mean that you silly boys have nothing to say to our sublime female love?" Defoko giggled.

"What the hell is she talking about?" Len asked.

"First place!" Rin cheered.

"You should feel sorry for them, Defoko," Momo told her, "Their host skills don't work on us; now they're all flustered and don't know what to do with themselves!"

"True," Ruko said with a smirk. "But I'm glad we came here. It was worth it to get a look at the notorious Vocaloid Host Club."

"We're notorious?" Piko asked.

"Apparently," Kaito answered flatly.

**Changing to Luka POV, sorry again .**

"And to think they're dragging this sweet young girl down with them," Ruko tutted, leaning in towards me.

"Huh?" I asked kind of dumbly.

"The Host Club must pay for tricking such a pure maidenly soul! Such a fledgling club shan't be allowed to do as it pleases! I don't know if the president is some kind of halfer, but he's fooling young girls with his mind games! Your so-called club activities are solely for your pathetic fantasies! We swear that we will bring you down! The Vocaloid Host Club will be abolished!"

Kiyoteru pushed up his glasses, "I understand the position you are speaking from, but do you think perhaps we could finish this later?"

"You're not going to face us?" Ruko asked menacingly.

I decided to make some coffee.

"Not at all," Kiyoteru answered, and then gestured to the Purple Idiot in the bed that had conveniently materialized. "It's just that our president is still bedridden from the initial culture shock."

"Ya see, Gakkun is having his nappy time now," Piko further explained.

Before Ruko could yell again, I tapped her/him on the shoulder. "'Scuse me," I started, "I made some coffee, you guys want some?"

"Of course!" Ruko's mood changed immediately, "Coffee made by a lady is always far superior to—"

"It's just instant," I said flatly. Jeez, it's coffee.

"Maybe the four of us should all get together for a lady's tea party!" Momo chimed pleasantly.

At that suggestion, Gakupo shot up from bed and charged. "You ladies have it all wrong! What's the point in watching a girl be in love with another girl? Why else would God have created Adam and Eve?"

**(A/N: This is Gakupo/Tamaki's opinion only. Not only do I not have a religion, I am bi-curious so please troll on OHSHC episode 9 on YouTube.)**

Keeping up with the running gag, Len innocently threw a banana peel in Gakupo's path, causing him to trip and dip his index finger in Defoko's coffee cup. It took him a few seconds for his face to go red and realize that he'd been burned.

"AaaAAAHH! Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot hot!" he screeched, holding his finger. Piko ran over and tried to blow on it.

I walked over to the idiot and sighed, "Geez, be more careful, would you?" I took out the bandage I got from the store and wrapped his finger.

Gakupo looked like he was about to say something when Ruko yanked me back up from the ground. "Don't bother with him, Miss," she said. She turned to her comrades, "Now that we are aware of the situation, we cannot allow for this maiden to remain in the Host Club. We must arrange paperwork for a transfer to Utau immediately!"

My eyes widened. I jerked out of Ruko's arms. "H-Hey, wait. There's some sort of misunderstanding here." I backed up. "For one thing, you called Gakupo-senpai a halfer."

"But Gakkun is a halfer!" Piko chirped. "He's an Italian-Japanese Half-chan!"

I sighed, "Well, the Host Club isn't fledgling, right?"

"Nah, we're pretty 'fledgling'. Only founded two years ago," Len shrugged.

"After all, Tono created it when he came to high school," Rin added.

"Well, be that as it may," I tried again, "It's not fair saying they're doing this for themselves; we don't charge our guests or anything."

"I wouldn't say charge exactly," Kiyoteru chimed in. I cursed silently. "We do offer a points system of sorts. It's all based off of the auctions we hold online. See here, Luka?" he pulled out his laptop for me to see, "Your mechanical pencil just sold for thirty thousand yen."

I did a double take. "That's the one I lost last week!" I yelled. "You realize this is the first I've heard of this?"

"What, you thought we were volunteering our services?" Kiyoteru asked. "If you subtract all of our expenses from events and costumes and add our auction money, we do make a slight profit."

"Then don't sell other people's things without consent!" I yelled again, "That's stealing!"

"It's not stealing; it fell on the floor," Len and Rin chimed.

"Waaaah! I'm sorry, Luka!" Gakupo wailed, "Here, you can have my pencil! It has a kuma-chan on it!"

"No, thank you." I said flatly.

As Gakupo hid in his designated Emo Corner, the Utau girls approached me again. "You poor thing," Momo sympathized, "It must be hard to find out you've been deceived."

"Ditch this bunch and come to Utau with us!" Defoko urged.

"Now, hold on, Defoko," Ruko told the younger girl, "The maiden is all shaken up." She turned to me. "We'll return tomorrow. Give us your answer then. Adieu~"

As the French door closed behind them, I turned to give a glare to my club members. "I'll be excusing myself as well," I said coldly.

The most insulting thing was that I could hear Kiyoteru's camera clicking as I walked out.

* * *

><p>The next day I walked to Music Room 3 as usual. I knew that as soon as I got in, Gakupo and the Twins, maybe even Piko would start begging for my forgiveness.<p>

I wasn't that mad at them, though. So long as they didn't do it again, of course.

The Utau girls greeted me before I could even get close to my destination. Ruko did another Justin Bieber flip, and Bishounen/Bishoujo sparkles surrounded her form. "We meet again, Miss, as promised!"

"We're really going to set things straight with that Host Club today, don't you worry!" Momo said to me with a determined look in her eyes.

I was confused. "Set what straight?" I asked.

Defoko approached me, "That a maiden like you should be in a less horrendous place, duh!"

"Come, Miss, let us teach them a lesson!" Ruko yelled, dragging me along with her as the other two giggled excitedly behind us. I sweat-dropped as we approached the doors. I sighed and opened them, expecting the usual rose petals and perky Gakupo. Instead, I was met with darkness.

What came next will be hard for me to describe.

I shall try my best.

Silhouettes rose from the shadows to sing, very much similar to the Zuka Club.

A falsetto Len's voice, "Vocaloid~"

Rin, actually trying to sound good, "Vocaloid~"

Kaito, not trying at all, "Vocaloid."

Kiyoteru, putting in some effort, "Vocaloid~"

Piko and Tako-chan, being Piko and Tako-chan, "Vocaloid~!"

The chandelier above the room suddenly lit up, and Gakupo finished the display with a large, remarkably flamboyant "VOOOOOCCCAAALLOOOOOIIIIID~!"

I blinked a couple times. They were ALL in drag. (Except for Rin, she always wore drag.)

"HOOOOST CLUUUUUB!" the idiots finished. They added on their signature, "Welcome!" to avoid copyright claims.

"Welcome, Luka!" Gakupo greeted my frozen form. He was wearing a long, dark purple gown, his ponytail had giant feathers in it, and he was wearing WAY too much makeup.

"Lulu-chan, Lulu-chan!" Piko twirled up to me, "I'm a princess! Do I look good?"

"U-Uh…I…"

"What kind of stunt is this?" Ruko yelled. "Are you mocking the ways of the Zuka Club?"

Gaku-ko waved a hand, "No, certainly not. We have taken everything into account. Luka, if you choose to remain in this club, your brothers/sisters come with it! Sister Len, Sister Rin, Sister Piko, Brother(?) Kaito, Sister (slash Mother?) Kiyoteru, and Sister Gakupo! The plan is to have the same experience from the Zuka Club, while still being in the Host Club!" Gaku-ko gave a twirl. "You see, Luka? Aren't I pretty?"

I stepped back, "I…uh…"

Rin and Len booted him out of the way. "We're the Kagamine Sisters! Which one is prettier?"

"Just kidding," Rin whispered to me, "You and I both know it's me."

Len elbowed Rin hard in the stomach.

Piko waved with Tako-chan in one hand. "Lulu-chan, Lulu-chan!" he reappeared closer to me. "You can call me Onee-sama!" he winked.

Kiyoteru didn't try very hard, apart from cross-dressing. Kaito actually kept a smile though, so that counts for something.

"Y-You think a maiden can be taken in by this!" Ruko burst.

Oh god, I couldn't take much more of this.

"We've had enough of your fooling around—"

I cracked.

I burst out laughing, clutching my stomach. Tears threatened to roll down my face. The entire Host Club was wide-eyed as I tried to cover it up, and failed miserably, just laughing harder at their over-made-up faces. "Too much!" I gasped between guffaws, "I don't even know what this means!" I fell to the ground and started rolling. "I knew you guys were goofballs, but geez…" I sat up and started to wipe my tears.

Piko and the Twins appeared next to me. "Are we really that funny?" they cooed. I screamed, more tears coming out.

The three started chasing me around the room, and I couldn't run too fast with my laughing fest. "Call me Onee-sama! Onee-sama!"

"Stop! Stop!" I yelled. After they cornered me, I sighed. "Really, stop it already. What were you all thinking?"

"Well," Len-in-drag answered, "We didn't want you to quit the Host Club, Luka."

"We thought that Utau was such a good fit for you, that you might transfer…" Rin continued.

I smiled fondly.

"Miss, are you…" Ruko started.

"I'm sorry," I cut in, "I respect your way of thinking, but I came to Vocaloid because I have a goal for my future, and so I'd never think about leaving."

"Luka!" Gakupo cried, dramatic tears running down his face. "Wait," he realized, "If you weren't planning to transfer, why were you so angry yesterday?"

"Because you stole my crap!" I yelled.

Gakupo looked taken aback, and then sighed. "Sorry about that."

I smiled. "You're forgiven."

"Ruko…" Momo said quietly.

Ruko sighed, "Yes, Pinku, I know. Come on, Uta. But Maiden!" she called. "This will not be the last you hear of us! The Vocaloid Host Club will one day be exterminated by our hands!" Until then… *Justin Bieber Flip ©* "Zai jian!"

As the three twirled out in giggles, they tripped on banana peels.

Yes, Len can teleport (apparently).

Teto once again rose from the ground in her yellow uniform. "And so, a new rival surfaces! What will become of our beloved Host Club!" she spread margarine on her bread, "Don't give up, Host Club!" she yelled with her mouth full.

"Hey! Don't go livening things up on your own!" Gakupo yelled.

He then proceeded to slip on a banana peel.

* * *

><p><strong>OH MY GOSH. Soooo sorry about the delay. Ugh.<strong>

**Next chapter is the Twins' fight chapter! I'm sure you're looking forward to that!**

**Good for you guys, no weekend homework for me this time! :3**


	8. The Twins Piss Everybody Off

**Hi hi~**

**DISCLAIMER: Okay, who saw the Elesa Battle episode of Pokemon? How awesome was that!**

"_Which one of us is Rin, and which is Len? Can you tell?"_

* * *

><p><strong>Luka POV<strong>

"Let's all play the 'Which One Is Rin-chan Game'!"

The fan girls giggled with delight. Kiyoteru had finally convinced Len that to dress up in the girls' uniform for a change. It was certainly better for business.

"So?" the Twins chorused, "Can you tell which is Rin and which is Len?"

"Oh, this is hard!" Neru giggled.

"You two look identical," Haku observed.

The Twins mirrored each other's stances, "Many ladies have tried to tell us apart, but none have succeeded."

I rolled my eyes. Walking past them, I commented, "That's the stupidest game I've heard of."

The Twins put a hand on their hip, "What, something you don't like about it, Luki?"

"Not really." I turned to face them. "I just don't get why you two are so popular."

The two Rins opened their mouths, but were interrupted by a raging Gakupo.

"Len! Rin! I let you have control of the Club's homepage on the condition that you'd take it seriously!" he roared.

"We take our job _very_ seriously, Tono," Len (miraculously back in his own uniform) said almost mockingly.

"We were up until dawn working on it," Rin pouted.

"And THIS is what you came up with?" Gakupo thrust a picture of… um, well, it was me shirtless… but it was my face on Len's body. I hope.

"Lulu-chan, you look great!" Piko marveled.

The fan girls gathered around the laptop screen, their squeals annoying me further.

"Tell me when!" Gakupo commanded Rin and Len.

"Huh—"

"WHEN DID YOU TAKE SHIRTLESS PICTURES OF MY LUKA! Did you bribe her with ootoro? That's what you did, isn't it? And then you did that… Oh, god, and the other thing!"

"Calm down, Tono, you're delusional," Rin told him.

"We photoshopped it," Len explained.

"Luki-kun looks so hot!" Miku squealed.

"I bet he'd look even cuter in girl's clothes," Lily remarked.

Neru nodded, "Yeah, if Len-sama looks so good in drag, just imagine Luki-kun!"

I sighed and glared at the Twins. "No more making weird pictures of me, you two. Got that? Just what do you take me for?"

The Twins shrugged. "We thought it was obvious. You're our toy."

"I am _not_ a toy, let alone yours!" I yelled.

**(Oh my god you guys it's the long awaited-)**

"You want a toy…?"

Holy sh—

"Toys…If you like toys, come to my Black Magic Club…" said an eerie voice from the entryway. "If you come now…" the figure continued, "I'll throw in this handsome curse doll, Belzenef."

**A/N: If you're a pervert like me, you can totally take that speech of his to a disturbing innuendo.**

"Why is there a creeper talking through a crack in the doorway?" I wondered.

"Was that door even there before?" the Twins asked.

Kiyoteru approached us with his clipboard. "That's Leon Nekomura-senpai, third-year class B. He's not fond of brightly-lit places."

"Stay away from him, you three," Gakupo warned with a creepy look on his face. I screamed. "If you get involved with him, you'll definitely be cursed!"

"Don't pay attention to him," Kiyoteru told us, "He's just intensely delusional."

"The curse of Belzenef is real…" Leon warned with a creepy smile on his face. "If you engrave the name of a person that you hate into this doll's back, he will be cursed…"

"Man, this guy really is dark," Len commented.

"If he doesn't like bright lights, wonder how he'd respond to this…?" Rin held up a flashlight with a smirk.

Leon screamed. "You murderers!" he screeched, and dashed back into the phantom door again.

Rin and Len shrugged at each other.

"Hey, Luka," they called. "We have a favor to ask."

"What?"

"The next day we get off…"

"…can we come over to your place?"

"Why would you?" I asked suspiciously.

"Well, we're awfully curious. We wanna see where you live—"

"No way."

"Aw, pretty please?"

"No! You guys'll just make fun of me."

"No matter how much we beg?"

"No way."

Gakupo jumped up, "I, too have been thinking of paying my respects to Luka's—"

"No way in hell, Senpai."

To the Emo Corner! **(A/N: Dananananananana TO-NOOOOOOOOOOO!)**

Both Twins reappeared beside me in guy uniforms. Rin had put her hair in a ponytail and removed the clips and bow. "Then how about we settle this with a game? If you can't pick out which one of us is Len, as a penalty, we get to come over to your place on Sunday!"

The two switched places several times, like shuffling a deck of cards (kind of. My metaphors are off today). They stopped in front of me, grinning widely. "Okay, which one of us is Len-kun?"

I sighed. I pointed to the Twin on the left. "You're Rin," I moved my hand to the right, "And you're Len."

"Bzzzt! You got it wrong!" the two jeered.

I stopped for a minute, and then smiled at them. "No I didn't. You two do look very similar, but you're very different."

Both Twins gaped and blinked.

"How'd you do _that_, Luki?" Lily asked, amazed. "Whenever they're wearing drag, I can never tell who's who."

"How can you tell them apart, Luki-kun?" Miku wondered.

I looked at the Twins' stupid expressions and thought. "Well, let's see…It's kinda difficult to explain, but I'd say…

"Len's speech and actions are ten percent more evil than Rin's."

No offense intended, of course.

Rin covered her hand with her mouth and started giggling. Len glared at her. "I-I'm sorry, Len!" With that, she burst into all-out laughter, clutching her stomach.

Len scoffed, "Well, I'm honest, I speak my mind and I don't hold back. It's sneaky people like my sister who are the trouble-makers."

Rin stopped laughing short. "Don't you turn this on me! Len, _I'm_ the one always jumping on board _your_ stupid pranks!"

Len retorted, "_I _may suggest them, but _you're_ the one who really gets into them, Rin. If you hate it so much, then why don't you just stop."

"'Cuz I'd hate to see you make an absolute ass of yourself, Len!" Rin snapped. "_You_ suggested we call Luki our toy, and then you're so eager to make a pass at her—him!" She smirked, covering up her mistake. "Just admit it, Len, you're _in love_ with Luka-i-a-i…aren't you?"

A look of shock washed over Len's face. "Huh?"

Gakupo shot, "What?"

"H-Hey, you've got it all wrong, Rin!" Len shouted back. "Man, you're such a freaking idiot!"

"Yes!" Gakupo agreed. "There are some things that should never be said!"

"Why would I fall for Luka, she looks like Piko-senpai's Tako-chan!" Len yelled.

"She does not!" Gakupo shouted.

"Fantastic. This is absolutely fantastic," a disembodied voice sighed. Teto rose from the ground in all her glory. "Our beloved Luki is in a caught in a beautiful four-sided relationship. What's more, two of the figures are twins, torn apart by love! Teto could eat three loaves of bread over this!"

"Stay out of this, Otaku-chan," the Twins droned.

"How mean! You shouldn't be so rude to your manager!" Teto wailed.

"Cut it out already!" Len shouted from across the room. I looked and saw that he and Rin were at it again. "You're always crawling into my bed! You're so annoying!"

"I only do that because you look so lonely!" Rin retorted. "I'd never choose to sleep next to you, idiot!"

By now, the fan girls were merely focusing on the details.

"Who are you calling an idiot? You're the one who sucks at math!" Len shot.

"Look who's talking! Maybe you should try a bit harder in French Class, Len!"

Kiyoteru wrote this all down on his clipboard.

"You grind your teeth too loud!"

"You toss and turn so much that you kick me out of bed!"

"Sex pixie!"

"Shota!"

"YO MOMMA WEARS TOO MUCH MAKEUP! THAT'S IT, WE'RE THROUGH!"

Oh snap.

* * *

><p><strong>Internet memes! And now, I'm gonna sing a song. It's Friday, Friday—<strong>

* * *

><p>The next day, I sat down in my seat and pulled out my textbook and pencil for class.<p>

"Hey Luki," I heard Len call. I turned to the door and my eyes bugged out at what they saw. I heard gasps around the room.

Len had pink hair.

What the f—

"Len! What happened to your head?" I asked.

"I think it's cute! Pink suits me!"

"You could say that again," Rin's voice snorted from the door.

I took a look at the female twin. She had blue hair.

"Yeah, Rin?" Len sneered. "You look like Kaito, if you ask me."

"I only did this so I wouldn't look like you anymore!" Rin snarled.

"So, Len is the pink twin, and Rin is the blue twin?" I asked.

"Yup!" both Twins chirped. They glared at their unison.

Rin covered it up with a giggle. She pulled out a chair next to mine. "I was _finally_ able to sleep by myself last night. But I had a terrible nightmare that I died my hair _pink_. Can you imagine—ah!"

Len had kicked Rin's chair out from under her before she could sit. Rin clenched her fists and knocked Len's chair over as well.

The two stood up and glared at each other. Soon, chairs, desks, and vases were flying across the room at each other. The Twins shot curses at each other.

I sighed. This would be a long, long day.

* * *

><p><strong>Oh mah gawd, who saw the MLP:FIM episode 23 when Big Mac and AJ switched roles and there was Smartypants and Trixie and **explodes from fangasm**<strong>

* * *

><p>I decided to eat lunch in the cafeteria that day, considering the classroom I usually ate at was demolished.<p>

"The A Lunch," the Twins said in unison from across the room. They glared at each other. "On second thought," they both continued, "make that the B pasta and D salad! No, the F cappellini with the barbarie duck—no, set that aside, and make it a foie gras poêlé, in périguex sauce!" They slammed their trays and faced each other. "Stop copying me!" they screeched.

I sighed, "That's amazing. They're even fighting in perfect sync."

"I was wondering what all the fuss was about," Gakupo sighed behind me. I turned. The Host Club, minus the Twins and me, was standing at the doorway. "Are you two still fighting?" Gakupo asked tiredly. "You're embarrassing the Host Club."

"It's the Host Club," a guy noted.

"Oh, I love them," the fans continued.

"All the Host Club boys are together!"

"Okay, break!" Piko shouted, a harisen in hand. "You're both to blame here." He pulled out a large cupcake with a leaf on top. "Len-chan and Rin-chan, I want you to make up and go halfsies on this cake! Oh, but I want to have some too, so I guess we'll have to go thirdsies. And we can't split the mint leaf, so what should we do? Maybe I should just take it. I love minty things, so that's okay, right? Oh, but Len-chan and Rin-chan, do you like mint, too? Maybe I should've put some banana or orange slices on it …"

When the Twins were about to punch Piko, Kaito ran in and grabbed the shota. "You're just making it worse. Leave them alone."

Suddenly, Gakupo noticed I was there. "Oh, Luka! Fancy running into you in the dining hall!"

You could practically see his wagging tail.

"I was so worried about those two, I followed them here without even thinking. I only have my obento, and I wanted to eat it in the (now destroyed) classroom…"

I could tell he was having another strange fantasy by the look on his face.

I walked away cautiously, hoping to go unnoticed. I took another glance at Gakupo. He was yelling something stupid and Kiyoteru brushed him off.

"Here, Luka, sit next to me," Len pulled out a chair.

"Uh, okay."

"So what did ya bring for lunch?" he pointed to the obento.

"Uh, yesterday's leftovers?"

"Mind switching? I had to order different stuff than Rin, so I ended up with food I don't like at all." Without waiting for an answer, Len pushed his plate towards me and took my obento.

"Ah—fine," I sighed. Then I took a look at the food that Len 'hated'. It looked…absolutely amazing. It was so fancy! You know how rich people food is. I'd never had something so lavish before…

I took a bite, and went to heaven.

How could Len not like this? It was sooooooooo good…

"I'm so glad you like it, Luka!" Gakupo cried. "Good job, Len. As a reward, I'll let you have my A lunch, so you can give me Luka's obento."

"No!" Len stuck out his tongue.

Rin took a seat on my left. "You like that, huh, Luka? Here, try some of mine~" she held out her spoon.

I looked at it skeptically.

Rin pouted, "C'mon, say 'aah'!"

Len ate the food before I could. "You're butting in. Get lost," he mumbled with the spoon still in his mouth.

Rin sat stock still, but the irritation was evident on her face. Silently removing her hand from the spoon, she picked up her soup bowl and launched it at Len…

…For Len to pull Gakupo within range of fire and have him take the blow.

Immediately a replay of first period commenced, and no piece of furniture was spared.

* * *

><p><strong>Needed more Granny Smith.<strong>

* * *

><p>Gakupo sighed dramatically and lay his upper body across the table.<p>

"If this keeps up," Kiyoteru noted, "We'll have to stop the Twincest. Designee rates for the Kagamines have definitely gone down since the fight started." He turned to me, "Oh, but Luka, you don't need to feel responsible for all of this. Even though _your_ tactless comment was the cause of the feud. Right?"

Well, clearly he blamed me.

"It's weird for Len-chan and Rin-chan to be fighting," Piko said softly, playing with Tako-chan, "It's never happened before."

Kaito nodded.

"Yes, but until recently they've been very closed off from everyone else," Gakupo added. "Maybe this fight is a good thing for them."

"Who knows," I sighed, "Maybe it will be a turn for the better, but if this is their first fight, they're not gonna know how to apologize to each other…"

* * *

><p><strong>WHAT IF I COULD BREAK NECKS WITH MY MIND<strong>

* * *

><p>No business in the Host Club today.<p>

The room was piled with the looming pile of furniture, with Piko sitting on top **(A/N: King of the hoooooooooooooard!)**. Rin and Len were still throwing whatever they could find at each other and screaming when they weren't being pummeled by a flying loveseat.

Gakupo twitched in annoyance, "Don't you two think you might want to make up soon? You twins are driving me insane."

"Driving _you_ insane?" Len spat, "You've gotta be kidding me! Every time I look in the mirror I see Rin's face! I'm sick and tired of being mistaken for you, Rin! I hate your guts!"

"Took the words right out of my mouth, brother dear," Rin sneered coldly, "In fact, as proof of my hatred, I bought this, _**Belzenef the Cursed Doll!**_"

**(O Fortuna plays to set the moooooooood [Thank you Mood])**

"I'm going to write your name on it, Len," Rin continued, "From now on, you'll experience nothing but misfortune and sorrow!" she dramatically pulled out a Sharpie.

Ignoring Gakupo's wails, I ran forward, and in an act of true heroism, punched each Kagamine in the face.

"Would you guys KNOCK IT OFF?" I yelled, yanking Belzenef from Kaito-Rin's grasp, "You don't bring something like this into a petty fight! Both of you are to blame for this fight, but the saddest part is how you're bothering the rest of us with your idiocy!"

I saw the Twins' eyes widen as they held their cheeks.

"Now apologize! If you two don't make up right now, I'll never let you come to my house as long as I live!" I screamed.

Panting, I sat down after my rant. Piko brought me a water bottle.

I saw the Twins' mouths slowly close, and then fade into their trademark smirks. "So what you're saying is… if we make up, we can come over to your place?"

U-Uh, yeah, I guess," I stuttered nervously. What were they doing? I slowly turned over the wooden doll to see that instead of Len's name, it was written…

"Blank."

I almost screamed as the realization hit me.

The two resumed their Twincest pose, "I'm so sorry, Rin," Len cooed, "While following our script I said such awful things to you. I'm not fit to be your brother…"

Rin cupped his cheek in her palm, "How do you think I felt? I'd never be able to live with myself if I ever hurt you!"

"Rin, I'll never let you go again!"

"Len!"

Crap in a bucket…

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><p><strong>Bonus Muffins if you guys can name any of the many, many references in this chapter and author's notes.<strong>

* * *

><p>"I'm so glad you two have made up!" Neru squealed.<p>

"It's time to play the which one is Len-chan game~" the Twins chorused.

"I know," Miku chirped, "Rin has blue hair, and Len has pink."

"We have a winner!" Len and Rin sang almost mockingly.

I walked past them, rolling my eyes, when I noticed something. "She didn't win," I commented.

The two turned to me with flat looks on their faces.

"Today Rin is the pink one and Len is blue. You guys swapped colors," I gave one last smirk, and walked off.

**Rin POV**

Luka sure was something. Telling my brother and I apart like that is no easy task. I stared off in her direction and sighed, looking back to said dense brother. He didn't seem to notice.

Figures. That line about Len being in love with Luka wasn't in the script, anyway.

* * *

><p><strong>Sorry about the long wait. Spring Break is this week for us crazy kids in high school, so I might be able to crank out one more chapter for you guys :)<strong>


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